


Blue Horizons

by home0812



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Introspection, Living Together, M/M, Medical Procedures, Misunderstandings, Supportive Katsuki Yuuri, Trouble In Paradise, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-07-10 02:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15939662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/home0812/pseuds/home0812
Summary: Storms rarely ever stop for a happily ever afters. Just when you think nothing can go wrong life throws you off course. But these storms are what teach us to hold on to each other through thick and thin. They teach us to how far we're willing to go for the sake of love that we cherish. It might take us a long time to find our way back but the lessons we learn along the way are far more precious than any happy endings and the memories we make give us the strength to weather the storms that may cross our path.





	1. Exposure

_ ‘I look at you and my heart pounds, when for years; I don’t think it beat at all. You fill the cracks and crevices, take away the emptiness. And when you’re not by my side the loss in unimaginable.’- Kelly Moran, Exposure _

 

Emptiness was harsh and unforgiving. The silence was worse than the anxiety-ridden chaos that usually occupied his thoughts. He couldn’t hold a thought for more than a few seconds. Yuuri’s eyes hadn’t left the white wall for quite a while. He could hear voices around him but he couldn’t tell if they were real or if his own head was trying to counter the silence by filling his head with useless chatter. Time was meaningless and the voices kept whispering for what seemed like forever. Forever without Victor by his side was agonising.   

“You should take him home, Yakov. I’ll stay here with Victor. He’s in no condition to stay here”

“I know that, Yura. If the media finds out about this, which will happen eventually, he shouldn’t be here. But I can’t go. I have to stay here. If anything comes up I’ll need to be here to handle it.  I’ll hire a driver to take him. “

Yuuri didn’t jolt out of his thoughts until he felt a hand shaking him. Yakov was looking at him apologetically.

“Yuuri you should go home. I’ve arranged a driver for you. Go home. Get some rest. You need it.”, Yakov said.

That cleared Yuuri’s mind instantly. His desire to stay here, near Victor, overrode any other unnecessary musings of his mind.

“No.”, Yuuri said firmly. "I can't go. I have to stay here. I can't leave Victor alone."

“We’re here with him. You should go home and get some sleep. Take Victor’s things home and bring him some fresh clothes and supplies. You can come back later.”, Yakov said.

“Yeah you’re going home. I’m not listening to any of your objections.”, Yurio yelled at him pulling him up from his seat and forcefully pushing him towards the exit. 

“Alright I’m going. But please call me as soon as there’s any news.”, Yuuri pleaded as a last effort. 

At this point Yurio really did push him into the car outside the hospital and the slammed the door.

“Don’t worry this much Katsudon. I’ll call you the moment we get to know anything. “, Yurio said softly in contrast to his rough behaviour.

Having resigned to his fate Yuuri sighed and settled against the backseat of the car. He was vaguely aware of the quiet drone of the car’s engine it lazily ventured through the traffic. The driver turned on the music system and some song blared through the speaker. 

Yakov’s car was ancient. The faint smell of its old leather seats was shrouded by the smell of lemon scented air freshener. The car’s AC gave out a steady flow of cooled air with a defiant whirr that drowned out almost everything else. Yuuri felt as if he was in a trance. He was probably in shock. 

He didn’t remember much from the past few hours. The wide gaps in his memory almost scared him. After Yakov and Yurio had arrived at the hospital, Yuuri didn’t remember anything up until the moment the doctor had told them that Victor’s operation had been successful and that they couldn’t say much more until he woke up. The information didn’t feel much like a good news but Yuuri was desperate and he was willing to accept any positive sign. 

He picked at the seams of his shirt and clutched the bag of Victor’s things in his arms. He wished the time would stop for a moment and let him breathe. His watch told him it had been a few hours since the mishap but he felt as if it had been years since he was happily chatting with Victor on the phone. He wished time would turn back and allow him to erase the past few hours. He never wanted this to happen. He had many dreams since he was young. 

He first dreamed of dancing when he first learned ballet. Then he dreamed of dancing for the crowds on ice at competitions. Then he’d seen Victor for the first time and there was nothing else he’d wished more than a chance to skate with him. Yuuri’s every wish had been answered. But it seemed his happiness was cursed. The first time he was this happy he was preparing for the Grand Prix in Sochi. 

Then Vicchan had died and the loss of his beloved dog had left him devastated. He doubted he would ever have had the courage to pick himself up and skate again if it wasn’t for Victor. He’d learned to love and smile and yet it seemed his happiness came with a price. 

Now Victor was in the hospital unconscious and he couldn’t do anything to help him. His dog had left him when he’d been away from home for five years selfishly pursuing his career without giving a thought to his family and his old life. Now he was going to lose his Victor because he’d selfishly wanted to keep Victor for himself. He’d stolen him from Russia and Yuuri hadn’t wanted to let go of him. Maybe he was meant to lose both the Victor’s in his life because of his selfishness. Vicchan too had perished in an accident. The similarities in the situation were too striking and the possibilities made him tear up repeatedly. 

Yuuri remembered each and every moment that he’d spent with Victor vividly. Victor’s lively charming personality. His voice, his melodious laugh, his tears...

He was the light of Yuuri’s life. He took deep breaths trying to control the sobs trying to break free. 

He kept staring outside the window till he felt the driver open the door to let him out. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t realized the car had stopped. He sheepishly got out of the car offering his thanks to the driver.

At the door he fumbled with the keys. His hands were shaking so bad he dropped the keys twice before he finally managed to unlock the door. Makkachin greeted him enthusiastically at the door but the eerie silence that Victor’s absence brought in his life was palpable. Yuuri crouched down to lovingly pet Makkachin’s head. He scratched behind the poodle’s ears half-heartedly. Makkachin jumped on him putting his paws on his shoulders looking behind him. Yuuri realized after a moment he was probably looking for Victor. They usually returned home together from practice. He remembered how Victor always complained when Makkachin ran to greet Yuuri before Victor. He would pout and refuse to cuddle with his beloved poodle until Makkachin tackled him on the couch begging for attention.  

All his composure slipped and Yuuri clutched Makkachin for dear life. He felt as if his life was literally slipping out from his fingertips. He sat there at the door holding Makkachin and crying in to his fur. Makkachin struggled into his hold until Yuuri released his grip enough for Makkachin to lick his tears trying to comfort. 

“He’s going to be alright, Makka. He won’t leave us alone.”, Yuuri sobbed. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to comfort Makkachin or himself. Yuuri got up after a few moments and went to sit on the couch in the living room. Every little sound echoed in the empty house. It was overwhelming how much difference a single person could make. 

Yuuri didn’t know for how long he sat there. He finally found the strength to move when Makkachin started whining at him. He fed Makkachin. He called up Mila asking if she could watch Makkachin for  few days. Mila was sympathetic to his situation and agreed immediately. He was moving on autopilot by now. 

He pulled out Victor’s bloody clothes from the bag and put them into the hamper for washing along with his own. He walked into their closet and stuffed some of Victor’s clothes into the bag. The fresh clothes smelled like Victor along with every other thing in the closet. Victor had a distinctive scent around him that lingered in his clothes. The first time Yuuri noticed this was when he’d helped Victor pack back in Japan when they’d both decided to move to Russia. He remembered Victor embarrassingly had caught him smelling his shirt one day. 

Yuuri remembered blushing so bad he felt as if his face was on fire. Yuuri remembered how carefree those few days were. He didn’t need to worry about competitions or anything. It was just him and Victor fooling around, teasing each other. Lazy afternoons at the beach and eating hearty meals cooked by his mother together. Yuuri sat there reminiscing until the door bell rang and Mila took Makkachin away. Yuuri crouched in front of the dog at the door and squished his fur telling him to be good and not to trouble Mila just like Victor did every time they left Makkachin at someone else’s place. 

After they left the house felt even emptier. Yuuri collapsed on the bed deciding it was better if he got some rest but sleep was never his friend. He lied awake in the fading light of the evening sky trying calm his mind and rest. The silence was killing him. The absence of the warm body beside him kept him awake.

A shrill sound cut through the emptiness. His phone was ringing. Yuuri sat upright glancing at his phone in shock. He felt cold washing over him. There was only one person who could be calling him now.

Yuuri ran to his phone and picked up the call.

“Yurio! What is it? Did something happen? Is Victor...”, Yuuri rambled fearing the worst.

“He’s awake. The doctor hasn’t said anything yet. You should come here quick”, Yurio cut him off before he could descend into a full blown panic attack.

Yuuri felt as if someone had doused him with a bucket of ice cold water. He breathed sharply. His senses sharpened. Victor was awake. That was the only thing that mattered in that moment.

Yuuri was up in a minute, grabbing his keys and running to the door with his bag. He needed to talk to Victor. Yuuri thought he was out of tears but he surprised himself when a fresh batch of tears assaulted his eyes. Only this time his tears were of relief. 

_ “I’m coming, Vitya. Hold on for me. Please. I can’t live without you.”, Yuuri thought.  _


	2. Affliction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS. BLOOD. INJURY.

**_Earlier..._**  
Yuuri had always admired Victor. When he was young he admired Victor Nikiforov the Ice King, the Living Legend. At that time Victor was a God to him. He was ethereal, graceful and beautiful. He glided on the ice as if he was flying. When Yuuri started skating competitively, he admired Victor Nikiforov as a competitor. From the untouchable God he was before he became someone to beat and Yuuri felt a little closer to him.  
Then somehow Victor crashed into his life and turned his whole world upside down. He got to know Victor as his coach and as a friend. Living in Hasetsu with Victor made him realize that Victor was not as perfect as Yuuri had imagined him. He was dramatic and lively and he got excited over little things.  
He would act immediately on his childish whims but was serious when it mattered. He was still beautiful, sharp and elegant but he was also silly and charming. He made Yuuri believe in himself. He made Yuuri happy. Yuuri admired this Victor even more.  
As the year went by Yuuri didn't even realize when his admiration slowly turned to love. He had grown to care for Victor more than a friend. He loved Victor just as he was. He'd been thrilled to find out that their feelings were mutual. He couldn't believe that Victor would love someone like him.  
Victor assured him a multiple times that he thought Yuuri was perfect and that Yuuri made him happier than hed ever been before. He confessed his feelings for Yuuri all the time. He made Yuuri feel special and for that Yuuri loved Victor more than anything.  
Cohabiting in their house in St. Petersburg, in their little family of three, was a dream come true for Yuuri. Here it was just him, Victor and Makkachin. Yurio visited a lot even though he claimed he hated them all. Yuuri thought that was adorable.  
Everybody was nice to him at the rink. On Yuuri's request Victor had agreed to teach him Russian. He was steadily improving.  
He woke up in Victor's arms every day. Though Yuuri hated waking up at daybreak, Victor's soft kisses that greeted him first thing in the morning were worth waking up for. He went on runs with Victor before morning practice.  
They went on dinner dates occasionally. On other evenings he cuddled with Victor in warm blankets as they watched movies and eventually passed out in each other's arms. On some nights when they were in the mood Yuuri spent his time gasping and moaning Victor's name as Victor made love to him in their bed and they would fall asleep in each other's arms, smiling in post-coital bliss.  
When he moved to Russia Yuuri was worried he wouldn't fit in Victor's life. He would never have guessed life in St. Petersburg would be this great. He felt more at home than ever.  
Though they were living together for months now Yuuri's heart still skipped a beat when his phone rang and 'Vitya' flashed the caller Id.  
"Hello Vict...", Yuuri started but he wasn't able to complete as victor was already talking.  
"Yuuurii... What the hell do you think you are doing seducing me like this with those texts?", Victor's yelling interrupted him from the other end of the phone. He sounded a little breathless. Yuuri chuckled a little remembering their text conversation.  
"Hey, What did I do? You asked me what I was doing and I told you that I just came out of the shower and Makka was so eager to play he tugged at my towel and ran away. So now we're chasing each other and I'm still naked", Yuuri protested halfheartedly a smile already making its way on his lips.  
He was trying out his latest seductive voice and it was failing so miserably that he was chuckling by the end of it. No matter how dramatic he was Yuuri loved talking to Victor. Victor always knew how to make him laugh.  
"Where are you by the way? I can hear noises of vehicles beside you.", Yuuri questioned.  
"Oh...Yuuriiiii. You're irresistible. You're the dessert on my platter. Just you wait. You better save your energy. I'm on my way home", Victor said as if that explained everything.  
Yuuri laughed at Victor's usual antics. He could imagine the fake pout on his face. Yuuri smiled fondly at that thought.  
"Vitya, weren't you practicing your short program? Why are you coming home this early? Yakov would be mad if you miss practice. You told Coach youre leaving right?", Yuuri asked skeptically. He already suspected the answer but he asked anyway.  
Yuuri heard a long noisy sigh from the other end of the phone, yet he continued.  
"And anyway I'm not naked now. I put my clothes on a while ago. You'll have to get rid of my clothes first if you want me alone and naked.", Yuuri stammered, trying for his seductive voice again.  
He had to admit he was terrible at dirty talking. Victor didn't mind hearing Yuuri stutter through dirty talks anyway. So it was alright.  
"Eh", Victor sounded irritated but he recovered his cheery attitude quickly.  
"Yuuri, you worry too much about my career. Here I'm worried about you alone. What if my dog steals your heart Yuuri? I envy Makkachin so much. He gets to spend so much time with you. Even if Makkachin is my baby, you're mine. "  
"Look through the window Yuuri. I'm at the crossroad. The signals green. Ah! Now how will I get home quickly? It's as if the whole world is coming in between us", Victor whined dramatically.  
He kept on ranting about his love for Yuuri. Yuuri could listen to Victor's voice for hours. Yuuri grabbed his specs from the coffee table before getting up from under Makkachin and walking over to the window that looked over the street in front of their building.  
He looked down at the crossroad and sure enough saw there a distinct silver head standing at the signal pacing impatiently. It was too hard to make out the face from this far but Yuuri was able to tell it was Victor. He was pretty sure Victor was looking up at the window. Yuuri laughed at his impatience. Victor too chuckled at the other end hearing Yuuri laugh.  
Yuuri realized how much he was missing Victor's voice, his laugh, his drama and suddenly he was just as impatient as Victor. He didn't get a chance to see him since he came home from morning practice.  
"Stop that. Vitya! Those people will think you're a lunatic. I can see you there. Be careful. Don't hurry. I'm not going anywhere", Yuuri admonished him fondly. He was still laughing. Victor beamed at the knowledge that he had Yuuri's attention now.  
"5 seconds to go. 5 4 3 2 1 ", Victor said just as the signal turned red and the road was free for pedestrians. He started running across the street. Yuuri laughed thinking how lucky he was to have Victor as his fiancé.  
But then Yuuri saw something that made his heart drop out of his chest. He could see Victor running on the street. The signal was red for the cars. But a single car was speeding towards the crossroad trying its luck on the signal. It wasn't slowing down. The driver must not have seen Victor. Victor wasn't looking that way. He was happily rushing along the crossing. His voice was still saying something in Yuuris ears. Fate was playing a nasty game.  
"Here I come Yuu...", was all Yuuri heard before the speeding vehicle crashed into the lithe figure on the road.  
"VICTOR", Yuuri screamed but it was too late.  
Screech Thwack, he heard through his phone.  
Yuuri's blood ran cold at the sight. He could see everything as if it was happening in slow motion. The small body was thrown into the air and then down as it collided with the pavement. The car sped by without slowing down. Yuuri stared at the scene dumbfounded. His heart was beating erratically.  
_What just happened?!!!_  
A crowd was gathering around the now limp body. His Victor's body - Yuuri realized as his mind finally caught up to the moment.  
Yuuri frantically picked up his keys and the nearest jacket and ran out of the house with his phone. He needed to get to Victor. His vision clouded with tears.  
This couldn't be happening, he thought desperately.  
"NO!...NO!Shit...No this cant be happening. I'm coming Vitya. I'm coming. Please just hold on", Yuuri muttered as he ran down the hallway towards the fire exit stairs. He was so aghast with what happened that he couldn't wait for the lift. He ran down 7 floors. His Victor needed him. His Victor might be NO it cant be. Yuuri couldn't even think about that. His lungs burned at the lack of oxygen as Yuuri tried to breathe again. But he couldn't stop. He gulped as much air as he could as he ran. He couldn't pass out now.  
_'Vitya please stay with me. Please. I can't... '_  
Yuuri ran down the street towards the crowd of people where he knew Victor was. His Victor. Then the crowd parted just enough for Yuuri to catch a glimpse of his fiancé and Yuuri saw the pool of red around Victor. His breath left him again. He pushed everyone out of his way still running and skidded to a halt beside Victor. Yuuri's whole body collapsed on the road in fear when he saw the most dreadful sight of his life.  
Victor was lying face down on the street, surrounded by a puddle of his own blood. His right arm which was still clutching his phone was bent at an awkward angle. His leg was folded under his body. Yuuri stared in horror when he saw the condition of his leg. It was definitely broken. Blood trickled out from his open mouth. Yuuri cried a little more when he saw Victor's chest moving.  
Victor was alive.  
Yuuri crawled to Victor and cradled Victor's head in his lap. He gently turned Victor to face him. His eyes were leaking continuously at the sight of Victor's limp body.  
Yuuri's brain was too scattered to process what was happening. He subconsciously pulled out his phone and opened his contacts. It took a few tries. His hands were shaking violently. The first contact stared back at him ominously.

**AMBULANCE**  
**Call: 103**

_When Yuuri had first arrived at Saint Petersburg Victor had demanded his phone and saved some important contacts himself._  
_"Do I really need those?", Yuuri had laughed. "Who knows?... Just in case you need them Yuuri. I like being on the safer side, especially when it comes to you ", Victor had told him warmly._  
He could not have imagined in his wildest dreams that he would need this particular contact. And that to for Victor. His Vitya lying in his arms. That snapped him out of his thoughts.  
He tapped the call icon and pressed the phone to his ear tight just to quell some of the shaking of his hands. His other hand caressed Victor's face. He pushed Victor's hair out of his eyes just as someone picked up the call.  
"Hello! Emergency Ambulance Service. How may I help you?", the voice of a female attendant spoke in Russian. Yuuri didn't speak Russian that well but he understood most of it by now. He could understand the woman just fine.  
"I...I need an a-ambulance…Uhh... Right away... There was an accident... a-at... We're at the... the Ofitsersky crossroad. Please make it fast.", Yuuri stammered into the speaker in English.  
"Sure Sir! We'll be there in less than 5 minutes.", the lady assured calmly. It did nothing to quell the storm inside Yuuri.  
His frustration was growing.  
He wanted to yell into the speaker just to vent out his frustration.  
_'I want an ambulance dammit. Why else would I call the emergency line? Can't you understand my situation???? My Vitya is bleeding profusely in my arms. He's not moving. God he's not talking to me. 5 minutes is too much. What if... No don't think about that.'_  
He hummed in approval instead. The phone beeped as the call disconnected and Yuuri was left with his own thoughts again. He stashed his phone in his pocket. His hands were numb. He couldn't decide if it was the cold outside or if it was the dreadful feeling inside him that was chilling his body. His legs felt useless. His eyes burned behind his eyelids as he squeezed them shut. More tears cascaded down his cheeks and dropped into his lap. He tried to breathe through it. He looked down at himself. In his haste he'd grabbed Victor's jacket. It was the same color as the blood around him. Sobs wracked his body again. His anxiety was on its peak. Yuuri could feel the panic attack coming. Yuuri breathed deeply.  
_'Calm down Yuuri. Victor needs you.'_  
The thought of not having Victor to help him through his anxiety made him choke up again.  
He could hear the crowd around him chattering relentlessly. Their voices sounded distant in his head.  
"Isn't that Victor Nikiforov?"  
Oh my god the Living Legend!!"  
"Oh I always wanted his autograph"  
"It's so sad"  
The voices kept on chattering. But Yuuris mind was focused entirely on his beloved.  
_'Oh Vitya. Why is this happening? Why is this happening to us?'_  
He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the siren. He had never thought he'd be this relieved to hear a siren in his entire life. For Yuuri an entire eternity had passed since his phone call.  
The ambulance stopped in front of him. Two men climbed out with a stretcher. They spread out the stretcher on the ground and heaved Victor onto it by holding on to his shoulders and waist mindful of his leg. All the while Yuuri was muttering,  
Be careful... Victor... Carefully  
He shrunk at the loss of Victor's touch. Victor's head on his lap had grounded him to reality till they had taken him away from him. Yuuri felt as if everything was a horrible dream he would wake up from. He jolted as the ambulance started moving. He didn't remember when he'd climbed into the ambulance to settle down beside Victor. He just knew he needed to be close to Victor. His lips were quietly murmuring a prayer in Japanese the doctor on duty was sitting across from him.  
"Who called for the ambulance?", the doctor asked in English as he pulled an oxygen mask over Victor's nose and mouth. He must have guessed Yuuri didn't speak Russian. After all Yuuri looked Asian and he was muttering in a foreign language.  
"I…I did.", Yuuri answered. He cursed himself for stuttering so much.  
"Okay. What's the patient's name?", the doctor continued. Yuuri though for a moment he was joking. But he answered considering he was ' On Duty' and he was just following protocol.  
"Victor Nikiforov ", Yuuri managed to say in a soft voice. Victor name sounded melodious in his voice. The Russian origin and his Japanese accent blending together beautifully. It was oddly soothing.  
"And what is your relationship with the patient?", the doctor questioned.  
"I-I'm his uh fiancé. Yuuri Katsuki. ", Yuuri choked out. He was now sobbing quietly again. His fiancé. Victor. His fiancé, not his husband. His mind reminded him. They never got married.  
_'Vitya please be alright. You have to be. I...I can't live without you'_  
The doctor nodded and continued his work though there was a different impression on his face now that he was sure that he was not treating none other than the Living Legend on ice. The pride of Russia. He attached a saline syringe to the backside of Victor's right palm. Victor couldn't feel the pain in his comatose condition but Yuuri could feel a prick at his heart when the needle pierced Victor's skin. The doctor was now aiming an injection at Victor's hip.  
_'Maybe an analgesic...', Yuuri thought._  
All this time the Ambulance rushing in an unfamiliar direction. Goosebumps rose all over his skin. He was pretty sure it was not from the cold. Seeing Victor in such a fragile state had filled him with dread. He wasn't even aware of the fact that he was constantly muttering under his breath in Japanese.  
"It's going to be alright... I'm right here with you...Oh Vitya...I love you so much... Please just hold on... You're my world...I can't lose you..nothing can happen to you...You'll be okay...", he kept on repeating. His eyes refused to leave Victor's face. His fingers rested on Victor's jaw caressing the skin with care. He muttered consoling words under his breath, more to himself than to Victor. His vision blurred again with a fresh bout of tears. He was positive that his face was puffed and red and blotchy and his voice was cracking but for once he didn't care. On any other day Yuuri would have anxiously cleared his face and attempted to look presentable but today was not any other day. It was a D-Day. And Yuuri didn't give a damn about himself right now. All he could see was his Victor's beautiful face marred harshly by the scratches on his left side and how the blood was still trickling through the injury on his leg.  
The vehicle jolted screeching to a halt jerking Yuuri forward. The doors of the van opened. There were four men dressed in the same attire as those who had brought the stretcher. Yuuri let go of Victor's face as they rolled Victor away on the wheeled stretcher. Yuuri followed them back into the hospital. They descended him into a ramp which led entrance of the emergency section of the hospital. Yuuri followed them with heaving steps. His numb legs struggled to keep up with their fast pace but Yuuri couldn't let Victor out of his sight. He held Victor's hand till they reached the operation theatre of the emergency ward.  
"Sir you'll have to wait outside. ", the man at his side told him.  
"But... Victor...", Yuuri pleaded.  
"Sorry sir. You can't come inside. Please Sir. Take a seat outside in the waiting area.", he released Victor's hand as the door was shut in front of him and he was left standing alone in the empty corridor.  
He stood there for a few minutes or maybe hours. He didn't remember. He slumped down in a chair at the side. He tried to reassure himself.  
_'Calm down Yuuri. He's in safe hands. He's going to be okay.'_  
But the assurances didn't do much to calm his racing heart. He knew he won't be able to calm down completely before he saw Victor again. His breathing became erratic again as he thought about Victor. His chest was on fire. He opened his mouth wide and tried to gulp some air but a sob escaped his throat instead. He broke down in that cold plastic chair. No one was there to see him pathetically wailing into his own arms as he tried to stifle the choking sounds escaping his mouth. He was alone there. Without Victor, he doubted he'll feel whole again.  
He calmed down a bit and tried to control his breathing only to realize that an unfamiliar smell was filling his nostrils. He glanced down at his hands and his eyes widened at the sight of the dried blood on his hands. Victor's blood. His mind spoke up unhelpfully. A vision of Victor's limp body flashed across his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut trying to erase that memory. It'll haunt his dreams from now on. Yuuri considered washing the blood from his hands but in the end decided to keep it. At least it will keep him company with Victor's jersey. That's the only part of Victor's he's allowed to touch right now.  
A nurse came hurrying out of the ER. She stopped in front of him and Yuuri anxiously stared at her waiting for any information she could give him about Victor's condition  
"Sir, we need to perform an operation", the nurse said to the vulnerable Yuuri.  
"O-operation ? w-what for ?", this was all Yuuri could blurt out.  
"Sir, the left leg of the patient needs to be operated as there are slight complications, "the nurse said smiling warmly towards Yuuri.  
Yuuri realized with a jolt that he wasn't legally allowed to sign permission form yet. Yuuri started panicking. Was Victor going to suffer just because Yuuri could not sign the permission form.  
_"What do I do?", he thought desperately_.  
“I-I am his f-fiancé, I cannot sign the consent form yet. Can I ?, yuuri asks even though he knows he cannot.  
"No, sir. In this case, you will have to call somebody as in a guardian or close relatives", explained the nurse with her staple warm smile.  
When he heard close relatives he couldnt think of anybody but Victor's mother. Shell surely come running here if he called for help.  
"I can call someone else, but it might take some time for them to..g-get here, said yuuri and looked at the nurse for some courage.  
Sure, sir. We will start preparing the patient for the surgery till then. Just start filling this form so that the consent sign wont be delayed after the arrival of the guardian. The nurse hands him the form and a pen and disappeared behind the ER door again.  
Yuuri dialed Victor's mothers number as soon as the nurse left handing him the form and a pen. The phone was ringing but nobody was picking up. He dialed again and again and again but it just kept ringing. Yuuri was about to collapse. His earlier panic returned. What was he going to do? If Victor's mother didnt pick up who would sign the form. What if they couldnt perform the surgery because no one was there to sign the form? Would everyone blame him for not being able to help Victor when he needed Yuuri the most?  
_"No", he thought._  
He tried to calm himself a little. No one would blame him. Especially not his rink mates.  
Yuuri suddenly sat up straight. He abruptly remembered he could call Yakov. Yakov could sign the forms.  
He frantically started searching for Yakov's name in his contact list. He dialed as quickly as he could. The small beeps signaling the phone trying to connect were too loud in his ears. He had found some hope of not completely messing everything up.  
"The number youre trying to call is switched off. Please try again later", The voice on his phone spoke.  
Yuuri felt like crying. He tried to remember why Yakov's phone would be switched off. He didndi have any skater after Victor. And since Victor left practice early he must be free. He didnt have Yakov's home number. And he knew Lila was in the studio with some students. He practiced his ballet sometimes with her. He knew she switched her phone off during practice. There was no use calling her.  
There was one person he could call though Yuuri realized suddenly. This was his last hope. He closed his eyes for a moment and offered a quiet prayer to the gods in Japanese and he hit call button. Yakov had to be there.  
The phone rang for a while and Yuuri was already starting to lose hope. There was a click and Yurio's voice blared through the speaker of his phone.  
"What is it, Katsudon? Eh! Why are you calling me?!", he sounded as irritated as ever. Yuuri choked up on hearing the familiar voice of Yurio shouting.  
"Yuri... Victor...he... he is....", Yuuri struggled to finish his sentence. His voice cracked.  
"Fucking Hell!!!, Katsudon. You just said my real name. Are you alright? And about Victor. He's coming to you no doubt...Yakov is mad though...", Yurio seemed a little pleased for some reason. Yuuri guessed it was because someone finally used his real name  
"Is Yakov there with you?", Yuuri asked him.  
"Yes Of course he is. We had an extra training session scheduled. You forgot already. And since Victor left Yakov is taking all his anger out on me. You better tell him to stay away from me when he gets home. He is going to pay for this the next time I see him." , Yurio said cheerily.  
Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Yakov was with Yurio. The rink shouldnt be far away from here. They could easily get here on time if they left immediately. Yuuri ignored Yurio's babbling and tried to form a request in his mind. He looked around for the name of the hospital.  
"How fast can you and Yakov come to The Hospital on Leningradskaya Ulitasa...?, Yuuri managed to stumble through the sentence.  
"What? ... Why? Wait what happened? Are you alright?", Yurio asked his voice soft and worried. He had abstained from using any cuss words so it was easy to guess he was worried even though his voice hid it pretty well.  
"Victor...had an accident...he's in the ER.", Yuuri said but he couldn't explain everything on the phone. His voice was already cracking.  
"Please come as soon as possible. I'll brief you later. For now just please hurry. I need Yakov here.", Yuuri said in one breath steadying himself a little.  
"Alright. Wait. We're coming. We'll be there soon. ", Yurio snapped on the phone. He hears Yurio's voice calling out to Yakov that they needed to hurry just before the connection was cut off. Yurio's voice had soothed him a bit even in this condition. Yurio was one of the few people he'd known in Russia. So naturally when he came to live in Russia, he'd grown close to the bratty teenager. Yuuri was now used to his mood swings, his yelling, his cussing (dear god Yuuri had wondered, where had the kid learned so many swear words).  
He looked down at his phone. His wallpaper mocked him. It was a picture of him and Victor. Phichit had clicked it after their pair skate. They both looked sweaty and exhausted but Victor's smile was so bright it rivaled the sun. They were holding each other on the ice crying from happiness. Victor's arm was curled around him holding him as close as possible.  
Yuuri wished he had Victor to comfort him. Victor always knew what to say to make him feel better. The irony was that the only person who Yuuri wanted to talk to about his worries was the person he was worried about and he was lying behind the closed door of the operation theatre.  
Yuuri locked his phone again and dropped his head on his palms, covering his face as he rested his elbows on his knees. He winced at the pounding in his head, no doubt from all the crying. He unlocked his phone again to distract himself. No matter how many pictures of Victor he scrolled through the sight of his bloodied limp body didn't leave his thoughts.  
His head was exploding. All his thoughts were screaming. He could hear the voices from the other rooms. The faint buzzing and beeping of the various machines. Surely they must have attached some to Victor as well.  
He focused on the form in his hands. He started filling out the details but his vision kept blurring due to his tears.  
He tried to think about good things to stop his crying. He thought about the how he loved Victor saying his name. He remembered how his name sounded on Victor's lips as he called out to Yuuri on the rink, bright and cheery. Or when he tried to wake Yuuri up just moments after he woke up himself, his voice groggy and sleepy. Or when he reached his climax, desperate and needy as his body shook in the throes of passion.  
That just served to remind him of how Victor's voice had only managed to get through half of his name before he was...NO  
He finished filling out the details on the form. Now all that was left was to sign at the end. His head was spinning.  
He squeezed his eyes shut. But the voices continued to grow louder with every passing thought. All the Yuuri's in his head were yelling at each other or maybe at the cruel world. The good Yuuri, the bad Yuuri, the anxious Yuuri, the scared Yuuri, the loving Yuuri, the sad Yuuri, the angry Yuuri.. Everyone Was Just screaming.  
Yuuri wanted to escape his own mind. He wanted quiet. He wanted those voices to just stop and let him breathe for a moment. He wanted to bang his head on the wall. Maybe that'll stop his thoughts which were rapidly spiraling out of control.  
He jolted when he felt someone shaking his shoulder. He opened his eyes. And the sight of Yurio greeted him.  
"What the hell, Katsudon? What happened? ", Yurio asked his voice rather soft. He tried to act tough but he was still a kid. His voice quivered at the end. Hearing a familiar voice after being alone so long Yuuri broke down. He wasn't alone anymore. He got up and clutched Yurio tight. His entire body shook with sobs he'd been holding back.  
"Ayyy... What the fuck?", Yurio yelped but didn't try to pull away. He didn't put his arms around Yuuri nor did he allow any comforting words to escape his mouth but he let Yuuri clutch him as if he was Yuuri's lifeline. After what felt like a few minutes Yuuri calmed down a bit. Yakov put a hand on his shoulder. Yuuri felt the fatherly concern in his gaze. He let go of Yurio and composed himself a little though it was impossible in his current state. He was bloodied and he was pretty sure his hair looked like a bird's nest by now. He stepped back and adjusted his glasses which were now about to fall of his nose. From the corner of his eyes he saw Yurio's eyes widening at the sight of his bloody hands and he quickly wrapped his own arms around himself in an attempt to hide them.  
"Where's Vitya?", Yakov questioned gently.  
"In there", Yuuri pointed towards the closed door as he wiped his eyes again. The nurse had told him Victor was being prepared for surgery.  
He handed Yakov the form.  
“They need to perform a surgery. I filled out the form but I canca sign it. Can you...", Yuuri cocouldn finish the sentence. He was choking up again. That was about his limit. Thankfully Yakov understood.  
"Of course. Give it here. You should sit down and relax. I'll take care of the rest. Don't worry", Yakov said softly.  
Victor was always complaining how Yakov was always angry and how he was always shouting at Victor. But he had taken care of Victor from a young age. The old coach was like a father figure to Victor. By extension Yakov had adopted him into their little family in Russia. There were only few people he could trust completely in Russia. Yakov was one of them.  
Yuuri felt the tension leave his body. He was relieved.  
He watched as Yakov made his way to the reception to submit the form and Yurio went to watch through the glass slit in the hospital room door.  
Yuuri collapsed on a chair wearily. He wasn't alone now. That brought some comfort. Now that he'd let himself go his eyesight clouded with tears again. He would have joined Yurio at the door but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to bear the sight. His hands started shaking again even at the thought of watching Victor in a hospital bed. Yuuri cursed himself for being this weak. He hated it that he wasn't able to do a single thing as his beloved was hurting behind the closed door. He vowed to do better. He'd do whatever it took to help Victor through this. He slumped in his chair a little more, exhaustion weakening his body.  
_'Just stay with me Vitya...Just hold on'._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE - All medical procedures and analysis mentioned are described purely on the basis of research from Google.


	3. Revival

 

After the call Yuuri ran out of the house frantically. He barely had enough presence of mind to grab his keys, wallet and phone along with the bag of extra clothes for Victor that he’d packed earlier. Yurio’s words were still ringing in his ears. Victor was awake. That was all he could think about. He quickly called the driver and impatiently paced the sidewalk waiting for his arrival. He could see the spot of the accident. They had cleared up the mess but Yuuri could still see a figure lying in a pool of blood at that spot. He knew the sight wasn’t going to leave his memories anytime soon.

He felt strangely detached. The recent events seemed like a bad dream his mind was desperately trying to forget. He didn’t feel any emotion. His mind was strangely blank as if afraid that if he started thinking then he would breakdown again. He was going to see Victor. Victor was awake. That was the only thought that consumed him. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe the reality of the situation hadn’t sunk in yet. Maybe he would wake up in Victor’s arms and realize all this was a dream. The rush of adrenaline at hearing Victor was awake was the only thing keeping him on his feet. He was grateful for the small bout of energy it had provided him with.

_“Why is the driver taking so much time?’ he thought restlessly._

He wanted to be with Victor as soon as possible. About 5 minutes later the driver jolted him out of his reverie by honking loudly to get his attention. He got into the car and told the driver to take him to the hospital as quick as possible. He should have never left the hospital. He could have been there when Victor woke up. If not for Yakov he would never have left that uncomfortable hospital chair. But he couldn’t blame Yakov. The state he was in was hardly appropriate. He must have been looking horrible. Yakov was only looking out for him. Yet he couldn’t help regret leaving Victor’s side at such a time.   

When the driver pulled up front of the hospital Yuuri got out the car in hurry. Victor needed him. He was awake. Yuuri couldn’t wait to see him again. See that beautiful smile bloom on his face. Hear his voice again. It was all he could think about since the accident. His vision blurred with tears but he hurried towards the hospital without stopping even for a moment. He ran towards the reception counter. The receptionist saw his hasty approach and gave him a puzzled look.

“How may I help you Sir?”, he asked in Russian.

Yuuri took a few calming breaths to compose himself and calm his racing heart.

“I’m here to see Mr Nikiforov. I was told he’s out of surgery and awake.”, Yuuri managed to say. It took him a few moments to remember the right words in Russian.

“Okay. Let me check.”, the receptionist said as he started typing on his computer.

“He is in Room no. 105. It’s on the first floor. 4th room towards the right.”, he said after a few moments.

Yuuri thanked him quickly and ran upstairs. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He was finally going to see his fiancé. Yeah... fiancé. Yuuri suddenly remembered how they'd deramt of their wedding.  Yuuri’s heart beat wasn’t going to calm down until he saw his fiancé’s face. He saw Yurio and Yakov sitting outside Room 105 on the chairs lining the corridor. When Yurio saw him he quickly got up and came over to him.

“The doctor’s checking up on him right now. Sit and calm down a bit Katsudon. You look like shit. Did you run all the way here?”, Yurio said giving him a once over.

“I can’t calm down Yurio. I need to see him. “, Yuuri said deciding to ignore Yurio’s question. His voice sounded pathetic and needy even to Yuuri. He was breathless from all the running he’d done. Yurio dragged him towards the door.

“Look. He’s right there. Now calm down.”, Yurio said pointing toward the glass opening tin the door. He could see the doctor talking to Victor.

Victor was lying down on the bed looking a bit dazed but awake. His foot and wrist were bandaged heavily but otherwise he looked alright. Yuuri sagged in relief. He collapsed beside Yakov in a chair.

Victor was alright. He wanted to be closer to him. Talk to him. Hear his voice. But there was nothing he could do until the doctor came out. Yakov patted his back sympathetically but said nothing. Yurio sat down on his other side. He looked worried even though he was trying his best to hide it. Yakov’s face was as impassive as ever but Yuuri could still see how worried he was. Yuuri was grateful for their company. He would’ve lost his sanity by now if he was alone.

“I texted Yuuko to tell her what happened. She said she’ll inform everyone else. So don’t worry about that”, Yurio said.

Yuuri froze. He’d completely forgotten about telling his parents. He knew they would understand when they found out what was going on but that didn’t make him feel any less guilty. He should have called them when he went home earlier. They loved Victor very much and they deserved to know. They would be worried if they found out from the media. He wasn’t sure how much the media knew about this. They must have some idea. Victor was Russia’s icon. Many people had recognized him on the street. But the media was quiet at least for now. He hoped it would stay that way. He didn’t have the energy or willpower necessary for dealing with the media and paparazzi.    

“Thank you, Yurio. I’ll call them as soon as possible.”, Yuuri said pulling him into a hug. As expected Yurio resisted and angrily pushed him away.

“Stay away from me”, he grumbled. Yuuri chuckled a little. He and Victor had a lot of fun teasing Yurio at the rink. Yurio was really easy to agitate and would start swearing at them at the slightest provocation. He hoped Yurio never got out of his teenage rebellion phase.

The door to Victor’s room opened with a squeak and the doctor stepped out. Yuuri was on his feet in a second.        

“Who is here with Mr Nikiforov?”, he questioned.

“We are”, Yakov answered for him.

“We need to discuss his condition with somebody. One of you come with me .The others can go meet him but only one visitor at a time. He’s pretty shaken. Try not to overwhelm him”, the doctor explained.

Yuuri looked at Yakov wondering if he should let the old coach go with the doctor since Yuuri knew nothing about injuries except what he had himself suffered. On the other hand Yakov being a coach surely had more experience. He would understand what to do.

Sure Yuuri knew Victor’s medical history but he wasn’t as informed as Yakov. But he also wanted to hear the details from the doctor himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to rest not knowing the extent of Victor’s condition.

At the same time he wanted to see Victor again. He was so caught up in his dilemma that he didn’t even realise he’d been standing there frozen for more than half a minute. The doctor was looking at the three of them expectantly waiting for one of them to follow. Yuuri hesitated before he could say anything Yakov nudged him a little.

“You go talk to the doctor, Yuuri. I’ll stay with Vitya till then.”, he said gruffly.

“But...”, Yuuri started to protest.

“You’re his fiancé. You live with him. You need to know the details and how to help him recover. You can tell us later. As his fiancé I’m sure Vitya would want you to make any medical decisions for him. “, Yakov said putting an end to his protests. Even on this state Yakov had a firm and ordering voice though his eyes were full of fatherly concern.

“Okay”, Yuuri said before following the doctor into a cabin at the end of the corridor. He sat down in a chair opposite to the doctor.

“Mr Katsuki right? ”, the doctor inquired in Russian.

“Umm..Yes”, Yuuri replied nervously. His own thoughts were making his anxious.

“Would you like me to speak in English”, he asked.

“Yes. Thank you. That would be great. “, Yuuri said.

Even though he could understand Russian quite well he would be able to understand better in English. He was grateful the doctor could speak English.

“I was hoping you could give me some details about his medical history. From the form you filled out earlier I see he is a figure skater. Has he had any serious injuries in the past?”, the doctor questioned. It seemed he didn’t follow figure skating or else he would have known who Victor was at his first glimpse.  

“He suffered from a really bad knee cap dislocation in his right leg that required surgery 6 years ago. Other than that just minor sprains and bruises”, Yuuri replied. He was surprised to hear the steadiness of his own voice. Yuuri found his strength in Victor. Victor needed him so he’ll have to be steady and strong.

“Was the knee injury troubling him? Or was it completely healed? Please give me as many details as you can. And what medication was prescribed to him? And for how long?”, the doctor inquired.

“All I know is that the ligaments surrounding his knee were damaged severely. They had to perform a surgery to fix it. It was completely healed within a year. He took a break from skating that year. Other than heavy painkillers and mild antibiotics he wasn’t prescribed anything else that I know of. He was taken off the medication as soon as the knee healed. As an athlete the ISU tests figure skaters every year so I can assure you the drugs were out of his system within a year. He hasn’t been taking any other medication nor did he have any other ailments. He hasn’t mentioned any pain in his knee later on.”, Yuuri said.

He was trying to remember every detail he could. It was better if the doctor knew whatever information he could provide. He remembered as Victor’s fan he’d read every article he could to find out the all the information he could get on his favourite skater. He had been so worried back then that Victor would retire after such a bad fall in competition.

He’d been relieved to find out Victor was well and that he would be making a comeback next season. If not for the injury Victor would have been the 6 time consecutive World champion. Yuuri was now glad he’d researched so much at that time. At least the information was useful to him now.

“Okay. That’s good. If possible please give me the medical reports later. Right now I’m afraid he’s not doing all that well. His upper body is mostly unharmed. It seems he hit his head. He has a minor concussion. When I talked to him he said he doesn’t remember the accident itself but he does remember walking on the nearby street talking to you on the phone. Other than that he doesn’t seem to be suffering from any other head injury. His eyes are responding normally to stimulus and he’s answering questions about himself correctly. That’s a good sign but we’ll be on the lookout for next 24 hours. We’ll perform a CT scan as soon as possible to be sure that the impact hasn’t caused any internal damage. But we’re positive that noting major has been affected. He may suffer from dizziness and nausea. If his condition becomes stable within the next 2 days we’ll perform an MRI scan as well. You have to fill out permission forms later at the desk. His wrist was sprained as well. It’ll heal within a few weeks.”, the doctor said. He paused for a few seconds before he looked at Yuuri darkly. His look made it clear that whatever was coming next was not going to be good. The Goosebumps rose on his arms and he shivered in anticipation.

“What we’re worried about is his leg. The fibula of his left leg is fractured. As you filled the permission form you must know we performed ORIF surgery to realign the bone fracture into normal position. From what you have told me his right leg hasn’t suffered from any major injury in the past. And as he recovered completely from that injury it becomes more likely that he’ll make a speedy recovery. “, the doctor said pausing again with a heavy sigh. Yuuri was mostly confused. He didn’t see anything wrong with all this. From what the doctor was saying it seemed Victor was going to be fine.

“That’s good, isn’t it?”, Yuuri asked hopefully.

He wished there wasn’t more to it. He couldn’t imagine what could go wrong. All the things the doctor was saying seemed to be positive signs towards complete recovery

“All that is good. But fibula fractures can cause permanent damage like abnormal deformity, damage to nerves around the ankle or permanent disability of the ankle. In Mr Nikiforov’s case permanent ankle disability is highly likely. Since he’s a figure skater the bones of his leg are under constant strain. This has increased the possibility of nerve damage and disability of the ankle. The fracture will take minimum 6 weeks to heal. If he goes through physio and medication we might be able to prevent nerve damage but we can only start the physiotherapy once the bone starts mending. Until then we cannot do anything. If his bone starts mending normally within two weeks we’ll immediately start with physiotherapy. But even after physiotherapy it’s not certain he’ll regain the control over his legs as good as before. In short it’s highly likely that Mr Nikiforov will never be able to go back to figure skating again. He might have problems in even walking for his entire life. I’m not saying it’s certain it’ll happen. But it’s a likely possibility right now and we cannot say anything until at least a few weeks have passed”, the doctor said

Yuuri sat frozen in his chair. His mind seemed to be processing that Victor wouldn’t be able to skate again. A year ago Yuuri would have mourned the loss of Victor as a figure skater as a fan. The present Yuuri could only think about how devastated Victor was going to be. He was so happy to be back to skating competitively again. They were so happy. Victor was going to coach him and compete against him. They had planned another pair skate this year. All that would be for nothing if Victor couldn’t skate. And if he ever lost his ability to walk then he wasn’t sure Victor would be able to mentally accept his condition. Victor was a very independent person. Having to depend on others his entire life wouldn’t sit well with him. Yuuri wasn’t sure what to do or say. He wasn’t sure what to do from this point on.

“Mr Katsuki you have to understand that this is going to be shocking for him. When I was talking to him he kept asking about his leg. It seems he suspects it’s in a bad condition. I haven’t told him anything yet. I think you should tell him. We must take his emotional and mental well being into consideration. In my experience patients with such cases become easily frustrated as they become completely or at least partially dependant on their close ones. Patients often suffer from PTSD or depression after accidents. They refuse to go into physiotherapy or don’t give it their all as they start believing it’s useless and that recovery is impossible. Hence it is very important that Mr Nikiforov gets the emotional support required.”, the doctor explained.

Yuuri was grateful to him. He wasn’t making Yuuri nervous. His calm steady presence reassured Yuuri.

“Yes, I understand. What kind of symptoms should I watch out for?”, Yuuri asked.

“He may feel dizziness but if excessive Vomiting occurs please stop by for a check up. Watch out for any rashes or swelling near the leg. Other than that make sure he gets plenty of rest. We’ll discharge him in a about 5 to 6 days. Even after that complete bed rest for at least a week is a must. His leg needs time to heal. So when at home make sure he remains hydrated. “.

“Also take care of yourself. It seems you’ve been doing a poor job doing that. Remember you won’t be able to look after him if you neglect yourself. It’s always hard for people close to the patient to see them suffer.” , the doctor said smiling knowingly at him.

Yuuri’s cheeks coloured in embarrassment at that. He must really be looking as tired as he felt if the doctor felt the need to mention that.

“Ah...yes I’ll pay more attention. “, Yuuri said bowing his head a little.

“If you don’t have any other questions then that will be all for now. “, the doctor said

Yuuri thanked him and exited the small cabin. He was starting to feel claustrophobic inside. At least the doctor was nice. But now faced with the outside world again Yuuri’s nerves returned. He saw Yakov sitting outside. Yurio must be inside. Then he remembered something that made him freeze. He could talk to Victor now. He was going to see him. And he would have to tell him he might lose his first love. Figure skating.

For a moment Yuuri stood their contemplating this. He knew Victor was going to be devastated. He remembered Victor telling him how he had lost his interest in the sport after winning medals after medals for years. He had finally found his passion and inspiration back in skating just last year. They had together helped each other explore and exemplify the love for the sport that had brought them together. Now Victor might lose it all over again. Yuuri wasn’t sure how he was going to watch Victor go through so much pain. He loved Victor so much. Victor didn’t deserve this.

Yuuri thought what he was going to do now. Would he skate without Victor? He knew Victor would want him to no matter how much pain it caused him. He loved skating but he loved Victor more. Skating wouldn’t be the same without Victor there on the ice with him. He would retire if Victor couldn’t skate again. But he knew how Victor would react. Yuuri had seen him cry for the first time when he’d announced he was going to retire last year.

He knew it would hurt Victor greatly if he found out Yuuri was planning to retire because of him. He was already in so much pain. Yuuri didn’t want him to go through even more pain because of him. It seemed like such a big hurdle to cross. His insecurities started acting up again. What if they couldn’t get through this. What if Victor decided he hated Yuuri after this?

Yuuri stopped himself before his thoughts could overwhelm him. He didn’t need to think about himself right now. Victor needed him at this moment. He would do everything in his power to support him. Victor made it clear when he came to Japan that he chose Yuuri. He wanted Yuuri to stay by his side. And that’s what Yuuri was going to do. Victor had helped him when he was going through a really tough time in his life. He was going to do the same for Victor.

He was going to trust Victor when he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Yuuri. He was going to support Victor through this and whatever comes their way after this. They were a team and it was their job to look after each other. Yuuri was going to be strong for Victor.

He knew Victor had trouble opening up to people. He had himself admitted that when he’d opened up to Yuuri a told him how he struggled. Yuuri was ready to be the person Victor could rely on. He’d be Victor’s strength just as Victor was his. A long road full of difficulties awaited them but Yuuri knew he’d gladly be by Victor’s side. He'd love Victor no matter what they had to face.

And he wasn’t alone. He had many people .Yakov, Yurio, his family, Victor’s mother. All of them were here for them. He just had to help Victor see that he wasn’t alone. He never would be. Yuuri would make sure of that.

He walked towards Yakov. Yakov got up when he saw Yuuri approaching. Yakov must have guessed from his grim expression that everything was not good.

“So it’s bad huh? It’s about his leg, isn’t it?”, Yakov asked him.

“It’s really bad coach. It’s fractured. The doctor said there’s a possibility he might never be able to skate again.”, Yuuri said.

“I see. Well there’s nothing we can do but wait and see what happens. Don’t lose hope Yuuri. Everything will be fine. And I’ve told you before please call me Yakov.”, Yakov replied patting his back.

“Ah yes coach. I mean Yakov. “, Yuuri said sheepishly.

“You look worried Yuuri. Is there something else on your mind?”, Yakov asked him.

Yuuri realized his worry was clear as a day on his face. There was no point hiding his thoughts. He might as well seek advice from Yakov. Yakov wouldn’t judge him.

“Yes actually. I’m worried about the press. We have to make a statement. Or else they’ll start spreading rumours as to why Victor is in the hospital. Also we have to make a police statement. It wouldn’t help much but since it’s a car accident we have to report it. And I have to call Victor’s mother again. I tried calling her before but she wasn’t answering her phone.”, Yuuri started ranting his worries.

“Don’t worry about the press and police leave that to me. As for his mother you can call her later. It’ll be better if she gets to talk to Victor. For now don’t think about all this. Go meet him. Talk to him. He needs you. All else can wait. “, Yakov said. Yuuri nodded his head in agreement. Yakov was right. He should worry about Victor right now

Yuuri pushed the door of the hospital room open. Yurio was talking to Victor. As soon as the door opened Victor turned to face him. He looked tired. He was covered in bandages and his hair was a mess. But Yuuri had never seen a sight so beautiful. He felt as if decades had passed since he last saw Victor.

“Yuuri...”, Victor said.

His voice was small, barely audible and a little rough. All of Yuuri’s resolve to be strong broke and he rushed forward to embrace Victor. He allowed himself this one moment of weakness. The tears flowed freely from his eyes as he held Victor close mindful of his injuries. Victor was back in his arms and that was the only thing that mattered to him.

“Vitya...”, Yuuri said. He couldn’t say anything else. He choked up on his tears.

Yurio had slipped away quietly from the room giving them some privacy.

Yuuri pulled back after a few moments. He looked at Victor’s face.

“Yuuri, I missed you.”, Victor said.

Yuuri smiled at him. He leaned towards Victor and softly brushed his lips against Victor’s.

“I missed you too. You scared me, Vitya.” Yuuri said sighing in relief.

But Victor tensed in his arms. He pulled away further and looked at Yuuri. Yuuri saw his gaze had turned dark.

“Yuuri, Yurio said you talked to the doctor. The doctor...what did he... he didn’t say anything about my leg, did he? I’ll be able to skate again right?”, Victor asked searching for the right words.

Yuuri stiffened as well. That was the very question he was dreading. He smiled for Victor’s sake even as tears pooled in his eyes.

“Yes. Of course you can. You’ll be out on your feet in no time.”, Yuuri said. He knew Victor saw through all his deceptions. He saw Victor’s face. Victor could tell Yuuri wasn’t telling him the truth. But inspite of all that he forced a smile of his own.

“Okay”, He said.  And Yuuri realized it sounded just as fake as his own lie. Victor was smiling to reassure him just as Yuuri was smiling to console Victor. But they both knew they were lying.

He was smiling but his eyes told a different story.

_‘I don't feel good Yuuri. It hurts…’_ his eyes seemed to say begging for comfort. And Yuuri's heart called out to him.

Yuuri's gaze softened and gazed at him with as much tenderness he could muster.

_'It's okay Victor. Don't worry. I'm here.’_ he thought hoping Victor could see what he wanted to say.

Yuuri believed Victor knew from the way his arms lost some of their tension and he looked a little less lost. He was probably anxious about being alone in this.

Yuuri pulled him into a hug again. This time Victor pulled him closer and held him tight. Victor might have smiled at him but Yuuri felt his shirt soaking up Victor’s tears as he held him close. A small sob escaped his lips. And Yuuri held him tighter and kissed his forehead. It was clear how distraught he was. He needed Yuuri’s support. But Victor didn’t say a word and neither did Yuuri.

_“Everything’s going to be alright. I’m here for you, Vitya_ ”         

  

    

            

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All medical procedures and conditions described are purely based on information from the internet.


	4. Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other shoe drops.

#  **Yuuri’s POV**

Yuuri should have seen this coming. There was no way The Victor Nikiforov would agree to stay in the hospital for more than a day. The moment he had gained enough energy, he’d thrown a tantrum demanding to be discharged. He was barely able to move around and yet he wanted to be sent home where there would be no one except Yuuri to look after him. The doctor had immediately refused his demands. Yuuri agreed with the doctor. And so did Yakov and Yurio.

But Yuuri should have known it was pointless. What were a few people and a doctor compared to Victor Nikiforov’s demands. Sure enough, they were signing discharge paper the next day with instructions to take care of his leg and a check up appointment scheduled for the next week.

Victor was not at all excited at the prospect of using crutches but he sure was eager to walk on his own. So eager that he had scared the life out of Yuuri when he’d toppled over in his haste to walk faster. If Yuuri hadn’t been at his side, he would have taken a really hard fall on his injured leg. To Yuuri’s relief he hadn’t suffered any damage due this minor mishap but the doctor had banned him from using crutches for a few days.

Under the pressure of a stubborn doctor and an angry Yuuri, Victor had reluctantly agreed to stop jeopardizing his own health, which led to him pouting in the wheelchair looking like a kid who had been banned from eating chocolate. Yuuri was steering his wheelchair to the car waiting at the hospital entrance. The bag of Victor’s things was slung over his shoulder.

“Yuuri, I can walk on my own. I don’t need a wheelchair. And I don’t want a nurse. Why are you all teaming up against me?  “Victor pouted.

His head was still in a bandage. His hair fell over his eyes making him look like a kid even more.People were starting to stare at them as they passed.

“It’s not that bad. You can use the crutches in a few days.” Yuuri said chuckling to himself a little.

“And the nurse is there to help us. They’re discharging you on the condition that we hire a nurse” Yuuri lied.

He hadn’t told Victor that it was him who had requested a nurse. When the doctor had called him in to discuss what he would have to do at home if they were to discharge Victor, Yuuri had asked the doctor to tell Victor that they’d only agree to discharge him this early if they were to hire a nurse.

Yuuri had no experience in handling an injured person. He couldn’t risk Victor’s health on account of his inexperience. The doctor had though it was a good idea so Yuuri didn’t feel guilty for lying to Victor about this.

“But what’s the point of going home if the hospital comes back with us.”Victor argued.

“At least they’re allowing you to go home. Nobody’s discharged this early. How did you even convince them to let you go?” Yuuri asked him.

He stopped in front of the car moving around to put their things in the trunk of the car. A group of kids was standing nearby pointing at them and clicking pictures. Yuuri had accepted that with Victor there was no way every single thing didn’t make it into the press. The kids saw him looking warily in their direction and quickly averted their gazes, hiding their cameras. Yuuri thought he should get used to this if he wanted to live with Victor.

‘I’m Victor Nikiforov.’ Was the only reply Victor gave and well Yuuri had no argument to counter that.

“As if everybody in this entire fucking universe doesn’t already know that.” Yurio grumbled loudly from the back seat as Yuuri helped Victor into the car.

“Watch your language Yurio. There are children around” Yuuri chided him half-heartedly, glancing at a group of children standing nearby.

“Shut up, Katsudon. And don’t call me that.” Yurio said but he lowered his voice anyway.

Yuuri chuckled as Victor stuck out his tongue at Yurio. He was relieved that Victor was taking all this so well. He was really cranky and irritated all the time. But he was laughing and joking at least.  And Yuuri was smiling along with him. He wouldn't let his worries trouble Victor.

Yuuri knew he was just trying to forget the ‘not being able to skate’ part as long as he could by joking around but Yuuri knew it was still lurking in the back of his mind. Yuuri could see him staring wearily out of the window when he thought no one was looking.

But if Victor was ready to forget about it till he got better then Yuuri hoped that this’ll work out, that they might be able to go through such a big hurdle without any problems. He didn’t know how wrong he was.

##  **A few days later**

Since Victor was discharged from the hospital, everything was going wrong. As Yuuri had suspected Victor didn’t like being dependant. But the situation was worse than his imagination. Yuuri wasn’t sure he was doing anything right.

He was supposed to take care of Victor. Things were supposed to get better and Victor was supposed to get better with Yuuri’s help. But it seemed nothing was going according to the plan. All the decisions he had made were wrong. Everything he had done to help Victor was proving to be utterly useless.

Hiring the nurse was the worst decision of his life. Victor didn’t appreciate strangers intruding in his private life. Victor was usually very polite and gave everyone charming smiles even if most of them were fake. He didn’t usually snap at people. He usually didn’t let his emotions run free. But it seemed the emotional trauma of being injured had stripped him of any self-control.

The first two days had gone smoothly. The nurse was efficient at her work and Victor was much too tired to do anything all day except sleeping his fatigue away. Yuuri could go to practice in the mornings without worrying. Yakov was coaching him for the time being. Things were going well. It was the calm before a storm. The problems started arising when Victor was awake enough to move around when Yuuri wasn’t home.

The nurse was sympathetic to Victor’s condition and when she had tried talk to him to lighten the mood she didn’t realize that it was a sore subject. She didn’t know Victor. She knew Victor a figure skater and that it he was in a risk of losing it completely.

So she’d tried to talk to him by asking him what he did besides skating. It was perfectly good conversation topic for any other patient. It would have encouraged anyone else to think about a life beyond their injury and what they could do even if they lost their passion. What she didn’t know was Victor was sensitive about that specific topic.

From what Victor had told Yuuri and from what Yuuri had observed himself, Victor was a very private person. Even if he had the playboy and open persona in front of the media, the real Victor didn’t like opening up to anyone. He didn’t like being vulnerable in front of anyone. He hardly told Yuuri if anything was troubling him unless Yuuri specifically asked him.

Even then, he tried to hide his feelings. Victor had spent most of his life dedicated to skating. He hardly had a life outside of skating for years. Victor often told him that Yuuri and Makkachin were his entire world. He wasn’t all that close to his family. The closest thing to family he had was Yakov and Yurio. But he refused to open up to them. So according to Victor until Yuuri had come into his life skating was all he had. He had told Yuuri he used to think there was no future beyond skating for him.

So naturally Victor had snapped at her to leave him alone and forbid her from ever asking him such questions again.  The nurse had understood his frustration even though she didn’t really know what was bothering him but had left him alone for most part. But that had been the start of a disaster. Yuuri had hoped that since the nurse was leaving him to his own devices, they wouldn’t have any problems.

He’d been proven wrong just a few days later when he’d come home and found her crying on their couch. Apparently Victor had shouted at her so bad that she had been reduced to sobbing on the couch. Without a word Yuuri had offered her a glass of water and sat with her till she calmed down. She later told him Victor had shouted at her because she was trying to help him up when he was trying to get out of bed.

Yuuri had to ask her to quit after that. He figured it wasn’t going to work. Victor didn’t allow anyone except Yuuri to even touch him. He refused help getting up or walking around. He refused to take medicines from the nurse just because he was annoyed at her. Yuuri has asked her what needed to be done for taking care of Victor’s leg before she left.

He decided to stay home himself and take care of Victor until he got better. He might as well take the rest of the season off. He knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate at practice if he left Victor alone at home. And then there was also the question of taking care of Makkachin. They used to take turns walking Makkachin. But now if Yuuri went to practice no one was there to walk Makkachin.

Mila had cared for Makkachin for the first few days. But Victor had been so sad on those days that Yuuri had brought him home as soon as he could. Yuuri also felt guilty about imposing Victor with a stranger against his wishes.

However, deciding to stay home was also one of his bad decisions. He’d told Victor that he was taking a few days off until they could work out a schedule. He was trying to figure out how to tell Victor he was planning to take the season off. When Yurio had found out about Yuuri missing practice he’d come barging into their house almost combusting with anger. Yuuri had dragged him to the living room before he could say anything about his skating in front of Victor.

When Yurio had demanded an explanation Yuuri explained everything to him. As Yuuri suspected Yurio was even more furious when he heard the entire story.

“He’s being a brat. Why are you even tolerating all this bullshit?” Yurio had demanded furiously.

“He’s going through a hard time, Yura. We can’t blame him for being irritated. He can’t walk on his own. He’s stuck at home all the time. He isn’t able to skate or walk Makkachin or even fetch himself a glass of water. He’s bound to be frustrated. We just have to be patient” Yuuri had countered.

“But you can’t give up skating because of him. You already tried that once. You know how he reacted to that.” Yurio had argued though he seemed a little less angry after hearing Yuuri out. He did really care about Victor after all.

“What else can I do? There’s no other way.” Yuuri had said wearily.

It seemed there was another way. Yurio had offered him a compromise. They scheduled their practice times such that when Yuuri was practicing Yurio would stay home with Victor. Yuuri had feared that Victor would fight even more with Yurio given Yurio’s angry nature.But Victor was much more receptive to Yurio. Maybe it was because he was familiar with dealing with Yurio. They got along fine. But Yuuri still worried.

At that moment, Victor was at home with Yurio. Yuuri had gone home from practice to find them watching a movie on the couch. He’d prepared lunch for the three of them. On Yuuri’s request, Yurio had agreed to stay a little longer so that Yuuri could make the much needed trip to the store.

Now Yuuri was walking along the aisles in the convenience store near their house absentmindedly stocking up everyday supplies and thinking about what he could do from now on. He could hardly read anything in Russian even though he could understand basic spoken Russian and could speak decent Russian by now. That’s why it usually took him a long time to find things in the store.

But Victor was in no condition to come with him so he didn’t really have any other option but to find his way around the store on his own. Today it seemed his was cart was almost full with groceries a little too early. He was stalling. He didn’t want to go home yet. He was tired. Not physically but emotionally. All he wanted was to forget that the past week happened at all.

Yuuri waited in the queue to pay for the groceries a little impatiently. He couldn’t waste time anymore. He was exhausted from practice. The pile of dirty dishes waiting for him at home made him want to cry with fatigue. But he couldn’t leave Yurio with Victor for a long time. He had to do it of Victor’s sake. He couldn’t give up now. With that thought in mind Yuuri started his journey back home. He hoped everything was going well at home. But his luck it seemed had left him weeks ago. Everything went as wrong as it could go.

When Yuuri returned to the house, he heard shouting from the bedroom. He sighed wearily, already preparing himself for breaking out the fight between Victor and Yurio. He had expected them to fight but he wasn’t expecting shouting and the sound of the bedroom door slamming hard enough that one of the picture frames on the wall near the door shook and almost fell to the ground. Yurio came storming down the hallway looking ready to burst with anger. He was fuming as he dropped down unceremoniously on the couch.

Yuuri watched him, silently contemplating the best way to approach him. He put his bags down on the kitchen counter. He would have to deal with them later. For now, he dug into the bags searching for the carton of ice cream he’d bought; Yurio’s favourite flavour. Yurio came by so often it was a habit by now to stock up Yurio’s favourite flavour in their fridge along with his and Victor’s.

Yuuri sat down beside him on the couch. He threw the entire carton at Yurio along with a spoon knowing Yurio preferred to eat directly from the box. Yurio caught it easily and opened it without a word. He refused to look at Yuuri. He was still very angry. Yuuri waited patiently for him to calm down as he dug vigorously into the box as if the ice cream had personally offended him. Well a certain someone had surely personally offended him and Yuuri knew he would have to talk to him after he calmed Yurio down.  

“I don’t care what he said.” Yurio said after a few minutes. He still refused to look at Yuuri.

“Sure you don’t” Yuuri said sarcastically but his tone was still soft making it clear he was not making fun of Yurio.

Yuuri wondered if this was how Mari felt when she talked to him. Yurio was almost like a younger brother to him. Yuuri was quite efficient at deciphering Yurio’s moods. His anger barely fazed Yuuri these days. He knew Yurio cared. No matter what he said it was clear whatever Victor said had affected him. Yuuri waited patiently. Yurio was still breathing heavily. He looked so much younger like this. He was usually so hostile; Yuuri almost forgot how young he was.

“Fine. I do care. But I don’t want to talk about this. So stop with the silent interrogation.” Yurio finally conceded after a few moments.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it. Just ...You know whatever he said he doesn’t mean it. “Yuuri said.

All the anger seemed to drain out of him in one shaky breath. He slumped on the couch leaning heavily on the armrest and stared at his feet, still avoiding Yuuri gaze.  He looked almost as tired as Yuuri felt. If it was anyone else he would have enveloped that person in a hug but not Yurio. Yuuri knew if he even showed any indication of moving closer than he already was Yurio would be throwing the nearest object at him.

“I know.That’s why I said it doesn’t matter. And I said even more hurtful things to him. I shouldn’t have but I was angry and I took it all out on him. So go check up on him instead of bothering me. “Yurio said trying to sound angry but his voice was so small it was hard not to notice how much fighting with Victor was affecting him. Yuuri hoped talking to him was helping and not making things worse.

“Okay. I’m going to go check on him. Are you staying?” Yuuri asked.

“No. I’m leaving. I need to cool down. And I’m taking this with me” Yurio said pointing at the carton in his hand.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and started putting on his shoes.

“Yurio...He knows you don’t mean it either. I’ll make sure he does. So don’t worry” Yuuri said just as Yurio opened the door to leave.

As expected, he was met with an angry rant about how Yurio didn’t give a damn about what any of them thought but Yuuri didn’t miss how he was unable to suppress his small smile as he walked backwards to the elevator.

“See you tomorrow, Katsudon.” Yurio said before the elevator door closed.

_“One problem solved. One to go” Yuuri thought._

#  **Victor’s POV**

Victor didn’t quite know what to think. Frankly, he was in a daze. One moment had changed everything he’d ever known. He remembered happily walking down the road and after that, he’d woken up in the hospital, his entire body screaming in pain even with the numbness the painkillers provided. He cursed his life everyday now.

After being the best figure skater in the past decade, after losing his inspiration, after finding it back in Yuuri, after learning to truly live and love, after he’d been through all that life had thrown the most cruel surprise at him. He’d lost all and any control over his body. Everybody else got to decide what he did. Where he went and what he did. They all pitied him.

‘Victor Nikiforov. Stuck in a hospital bed after such a glorious career. He was so promising. Such a shame he won’t be able to skate anymore.’ People whispered around him.

Yuuri looked half-dead with worry. Victor wasn’t sure he was eating or sleeping at all. He stayed at the hospital at all times feeding him, making sure he was alright, giving him sponge baths because Victor refused to let anyone else touch him, trying to cheer him up. He was the only reason Victor was coping.  Victor hated himself for putting him in that state.

He tried his best to smile for him. Put on his best smiles and act normal but Yuuri wasn’t fooled by any of those things. Victor could tell by the looks Yuuri gave him that he saw through all his pretences. He wanted to go back to day before yesterday when he was so sure nothing could ruin his happiness. He wanted to yell at his past self how about how wrong he had been. How one careless car driver had ruined everything. So he did the thing he knew how to do best. He threw a tantrum. He wanted to go home, back to his life.

Even when they went home, things just got worse. The nurse was nice. He really didn’t have anything against her. But the fact that she represented everything wrong in his life made him bitter. He really didn’t have the energy to or willpower to smile at her as he did for the cameras when his life was falling apart piece by piece.

Even his beloved dog was with Mila because he was so incapable of caring for her. Yuuri brought Makkachin home when he saw how Victor stared longingly at his empty food bowl. But that didn’t do much to settle his unease. He didn’t get to walk Makkachin, he didn’t get to play with him all he could do was move around the house. And even for that he required someone’s help getting up. Victor hated his own uselessness. The fact that all this was none of his fault made all of this worse.

Victor was relieved when the nurse left. He regretted shouting at her but if that made her leave he wasn’t going to take that back.

He hated when strangers talked to him as if they knew him. He usually did a pretty good job of not showing people that but when the nurse had prodded him with questions about his life he’d snapped. Somehow all the tension he’d been carrying was projected towards her. He really did regret it later but he was surely grateful to have the stranger out of his house.

His house was a place he could be himself. He was still trying to figure out who he was other than a world-class figure skater. He wasn’t keen on the idea of having someone in his personal space.

He was relieved when Yuuri stayed home with him for a few days. It seemed only Yuuri knew how he felt. He was he only one with whom Victor was annoyed. He was trying his best to help Victor. He didn’t want to burden Yuuri. He already worked so hard at the rink. With Victor to take care of, he was beyond exhausted. It was clear when Victor found him sleeping on the dining table with an untouched coffee beside him. But Victor didn’t want Yuuri to miss practice because of him.

That’s why when Yuuri asked him if he would allow Yurio to stay with him while Yuuri was at the rink he agreed immediately. Yurio wasn’t much trouble to deal with anyway. He kept to himself and pity was something Yurio didn’t know how to give. So they were both fine with the arrangement. Yurio was delighted that he would get to eat lunch with them instead of eating the food at the rink canteen.

The day was going very well for Victor. Yuuri had left early morning for his run. He was still cuddling with Makkachin in bed when Yurio had arrived. They had agreed to watch the movies. Yuuri had made him some soup since he’d said that he didn’t feel up to eating much today.

They gathered blankets and settled down on the couch together with their respective bowls of soup. Victor felt angry at himself because of the fact that he had to lean heavily on Yurio just to walk to the couch from the bedroom even with the crutches.

Yurio who always complained about how annoying everyone was had helped him without a word, without even a single foul word from his mouth. It was his own brand of pity. Victor hated that. He hardly watched the movie. His feelings were a strange mix of embarrassment and resentment.

The noise of the keys clanking outside the door snapped him out of his reverie. Yuuri was home. That brought a sweet smile to his lips. Yuuri could always cheer him up. Makkachin got out of his lap and ran towards the door to greet Yuuri.

Yuuri came inside putting his skating gear in a chair as he crossed the room to the couch to kiss Victor’s cheek in greeting. There were bags under his eyes. He looked ready to drop dead at any moment. He still smiled at Victor.

“Yuuri, is Yakov being hard on you? You look drained.”, Victor asked him as he went to the open kitchen to fetch himself a glass of water.

“I have to practice,Vitya. I can’t slack off this close to competition. “Yuuri said.

Victor felt a pang disappointment in himself. He wasn’t there for Yuuri as his coach. All he was able to do was stay home and just burden Yuuri.

“Yurio, Can you stay a bit longer? I need to go to the store. ”Yuuri questioned.

“Yeah. Go on. But be quick. ”, Yurio said.

“Thanks Yurio. “, Yuuri said ruffling his hair. As expected, Yurio angrily threw pen on the table beside him at Yuuri. Yuuri dodged it with ease as he went started to put on his coat again.

“Yuuri you’re leaving already”, Victor whined. He wanted to spend as much time with Yuuri as possible. He hardly got the chance nowadays. Yuuri was always busy working around the house or training and when he wasn’t he was too exhausted to do engage in a conversation. Victor missed Yuuri even though he spent half his day with him.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back in no time. “, Yuuri said chuckling to himself as he reassured Victor.

“You better”, Yurio grumbled at Yuuri but even he was laughing as he said that. Victor smiled. Yuuri didn’t understand how special he was. He always made the atmosphere so lively. He managed to bring out smiles even out of their angry kitten.

“Don’t forget to take your medicines, Vitya”, Yuuri reminded him as he wrapping Victor’s scarf around his neck. He patted Makkachin on the head one last time before closing the door behind him.

After the movie ended Yurio helped him back to the bedroom. Yurio went back outside leaving Victor by himself. Victor would’ve been relieved to be alone for a while but he could hear the noises coming from the kitchen. Yurio was putting their bowls in the sink. Makkachin came up to him with a toy in his mouth. He looked hopefully at Victor. Victor looked back at him sadly.

“I’m sorry Makka. I can’t play with you right now.”, Victor tried to forget that he might never be able to. His eyes stung but he managed to control himself. He wasn’t going to pity himself. Makkachin as understanding as always went outside to find Yurio and try to convince him to play.

Victor couldn’t shake off the feeling helplessness no matter how hard he tried. He picked up his book from the nightstand and started where he’d left off last night in hopes of distracting himself.   

Yurio came back after a few minutes and plopped down beside him on the bed, scrolling through his instagram feed. Victor felt a flash of irritation at seeing Yurio again. He wanted to be left alone.

“Hey geezer, did you take your medicines?” Yurio asked him absentmindedly.

“No.”, Victor said.

Victor looked around trying to remember where he’d kept them. Last night Yuuri had given him the pills before they’d both gone to sleep. So they should be in the nightstand on Yuuri’s side of the bed.

“Yurio, Can you pass me the medicines. They’re in the second drawer.”, He asked. He felt his cheeks heat up. He didn’t like asking for help like this but he had no choice. His crutch was propped up against the wall beside the bed but it was too far to reach.

He looked at Yurio but Yurio was too busy looking at something on his phone. Victor felt embarrassed. He didn’t want to feel needy by asking again. Asking once had been a big blow to his pride. He reached for his crutch, stretching as far as he could. His fingers were still a few inches from the handle when his balance tipped and his upper body tumbled off the bed.

He grabbed onto the bedside lamp in panic but the lamp couldn’t hold his weight and it broke in half. If Yurio hadn’t grabbed onto his shirt then he’d would have fallen off the bed and possibly worsened his injuries. With Yurio’s help, he settled back on the bed breathing heavily.

“What are you doing you Idiot?” Yurio asked him angrily.

“I was getting my crutch so I can go get my medicines.” Victor said. He was still breathing heavily.

Yurio gave him an exasperated look as he scrambled off the bed.

“Where are they?”, Yurio questioned.

“I can get them myself”, Victor shouted exasperated. He couldn’t stand feeling so helpless anymore. He couldn’t stand the pitiful look Yurio was directing at him.

“You can barely move on your own. Don’t try to injure yourself more than you already have.”, Yurio said. Instead of waiting for Victor’s answer, he started rummaging through the drawers in the nightstand.

“I didn’t get injured on purpose you know. Do you think I like getting injured or letting everyone do the work for me?  ”, Victor said. He was shouting by now He was really frustrated. Why was Yurio treating him as if he had ruined his own life purposefully?

“You could’ve stayed at the hospital until you could walk properly. You could’ve let the nurse take care of you. But you couldn’t do that, could you? You’re Victor Nikiforov. You had to have all the attention.”, Yurio said seething with anger.

If Victor wasn’t this frustrated he would have realised something else was bothering Yurio. He was always angry and mean but he was never this slighting. But Victor had frustrations of his own. His anger clouded any rational thought.

“If I’m troubling you this much then you can leave. I never asked for your attention anyway.”, Victor said

“Leave. So you can make Katsudon’s life even more miserable?”, Yurio shouted angrily.

“I’m not trying to make his life miserable. We love each other. Unlike you, he doesn’t mind caring for me.”, Victor said. He knew he was being petty. Yurio was just a teenager. He didn’t know how to handle Victor. Victor shouldn’t expect him to. But his words had struck a nerve. Yurio was saying all the things he was dreading the past few days. Victor’s own words sounded empty to him.

“He doesn’t mind taking care of you because he’s an idiot. Have you seen him lately? He was trying to give up skating for you. Why don’t you behave yourself so he doesn’t have to worry about you every damn second? He’s better off without you.”, Yurio shouted.

“ I know I don’t deserve him. But he chose to live with me. He wants to care for me. You on the other hand have no business here. We never asked for you or your shitty attitude in our lives.”, Victor said. He was fuming as well.

He usually maintained his composure well even when he was angry. Today he just didn’t have the strength to pretend anymore. He knew he wasn’t making any sense now. But all rational thoughts had left him. All he could think about was hurting Yurio as much as he was hurting Victor.

“Yeah. You’re right. I was a fool to volunteer for babysitting you. I’m sure Katsudon will get tired of you as well eventually. Then you can sit alone in your big house like you used to before.”, Yurio said. He slammed the door behind him.

The deafening silence that followed was only broken by his harsh breaths. Yurio was right. Yuuri didn’t deserve him. Yuuri deserved far better. And Yuuri was going to realize it soon. Victor didn’t know what he’d do if Yuuri left him. He didn’t have anyone left.

He didn’t hear the front door slamming so he supposed Yurio was still outside waiting for Yuuri to return. He would tell Yuuri how Victor had shouted at him. Yuuri would realize how pathetic Victor was and how Yuuri didn’t need him anymore.

Victor took a few calming breaths. He completely ignored the medicines on the bed. Like the nurse, these medicines also reminded him of everything he was trying so hard to forget. Life was unfair and everything was wrong. He wondered what he was doing with his life. Was this really better than how he used to be before Yuuri? Wasn’t he just making Yuuri’s life miserable right now? He sat there wondering why this was happening to him. The book in his hands lay forgotten on his lap as he stared blankly at a page.

The door creaked open and Victor looked up to see Yuuri peeking in nervously through the door. He ignored Yuuri. He was still angry with Yurio. Yurio’s words rang sharp and cold in his ears. He wanted to be left alone. Yuuri didn’t have anything to do with their fight and yet Victor felt anger coursing through him.

“Vitya, Have you taken your medicines yet?”, Yuuri asked. He stepped into the room looking at Victor earnestly.

Victor didn’t answer him. He continued to stare at the book in his hands. His fingers closed around the edges crinkling the corners as he tried to control the wave of anger. He heard Yuuri sigh. The noise made him feel even more guilty for worrying Yuuri and troubling him. The mattress dipped as Yuuri settled down on the bed beside him. He took out Victor’s daily dose of pills. He handed Victor a glass of water. He gently pulled the book away from him and pressed the pills into his open palm.

“Vitya, Please”, Yuuri pleaded softly.

Victor decided he couldn’t ignore Yuuri anymore. He stayed silent but he took the pills and swallowed them in one go before thrusting the glass back into Yuuri’s hand. Yurio was definitely right. Yuuri didn’t deserve him. He didn’t deserve being treated like this. And even inspite of all those thoughts Victor couldn’t keep himself from directing his anger at Yuuri.

“You should rest. You’ll feel better if you sleep.”, Yuuri said. His voice was tired. He was trying to hide it but Victor knew him well enough to notice that.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”, Victor snapped at him.

Victor wondered what was wrong with him. He used to be a lot better than this at controlling his anger. He realized he had never talked to anyone just after a fight. He never did have someone trying to console him after a fight when he felt raw and vulnerable. Victor was used to hiding from people when he was like this. Hiding was easy. He never had to worry about hurting someone he cared about. And now that he had Yuuri he didn’t quite know how to handle all the pent up anger and frustration. He didn’t want Yuuri to see him like this. He kept his eyes on the book avoiding his gaze.

He wanted Yuuri to go away. Yuuri didn’t deserve to be stuck with an asshole like him.

“Victor. Please don’t do this to yourself. You need to rest. Forget everything else. Don’t worry about Yurio. He doesn’t mean anything he said.”, Yuuri said.

Something inside Victor shattered and all that he’d been trying to hold back came spilling out. He threw the book in his hands at the wall and it landed with a thud, joining the broken lamp on the ground. Yuuri jumped at the violent outburst but Victor was too blinded by his anger to notice anything.

“Yes he does mean whatever he said. He’s right. I don’t deserve you. So why don’t you just leave. I don’t need you anymore. Just go away. I don’t want you here pitying me.” ,Victor shouted at him.

He realized a moment later what he did. Yuuri’s brown eyes widened. Victor watched tongue-tied as tears flooded his beautiful eyes and cascaded down his cheeks. He seemed too stunned to even wipe his cheeks.

Victor expected him to shout back at him. He wanted Yuuri to shout at him. He deserved it after all. He braced himself. He always did manage to make Yuuri cry. Somehow Yuuri’s silence was worse. He was scared if he said anything he would ruin everything even more. He tried to form an apology but his voice was stuck.

He leaned a little towards Yuuri trying to touch him hoping to express how sorry he was. Yuuri recoiled away from him and Victor’s heart shattered looking at him. He got up without a word and left the room shutting the door behind him quietly.  Sometimes the difference between him and Yurio was striking. Yuuri didn’t say a word where Yurio had shouted at him.

Victor felt worse than he’d ever felt. Guilt threatened to drown him. He’d hurt the one person who was willing to put up with him, to care for him. He’d hurt his Yuuri. Now Yuuri was really going to leave him alone. Just as he’d asked.

It was good in a way. Yuuri didn’t deserve him. Now at least Yuuri would be free from him. He couldn’t control his tears anymore. Everyone hated him and he knew it was his own fault. He was never going to be able to fix this mess he’d made. He’d hurt the people closest to him. Now they were going to leave him and he was going to be alone again.

He threw down the duvet from the bed in frustration as tears clouded his vision. The medicines fell on the floor. His own words were ringing in his ears again and again. He hated himself for every word of it.

#  **Yuuri’s POV**

Yuuri shut the door behind him and collapsed against it sliding down to his knees. It was as if someone had picked out words from his worst nightmare and made them come true. Victor didn’t want him. Victor thought he was being a burden to him, a nuisance.

He didn’t want Yuuri and he’d said so aloud. He wanted Yuuri to go. Yuuri wanted to disappear. He wanted the ground to swallow him up. He wanted to turn back time to just a few hours ago when everyone was laughing and happy.

Maybe Victor was pretending back then too. Maybe he was just smiling for Yuuri’s sake when in reality he’d wanted him gone. Maybe he was nagging him too much.He didn’t want to leave Victor when he was injured but if Victor wanted him gone then he must have been doing a poor job of taking care of him. He was afraid of this. He was afraid he wouldn’t be enough for Victor’s needs.

He was useless. He didn’t know how to handle an injured person. If it was someone else, they might have known what Victor needed. He hated his incompetence.

He pulled his knees closer to his chest curling up on himself. He pressed a hand over his mouth to hold in the sobs threatening to escape his lips. He didn’t want Victor to hear him sobbing. He squeezed his eyes shut till his head started to hurt. He pushed his glasses up and furiously wiped at the tears staining his cheeks with the long sleeves of his shirt. He was panicking. He loved Victor more than anything. He couldn’t imagine his life without Victor.

And if Victor didn’t want him here where would he go? This was his home. His life was here. He couldn’t go back to Japan. He didn’t want to quit skating but if Victor wasn’t there with him, he wasn’t sure he wanted to continue. He’d chased Victor all his life and now that he was here with Victor by his side, Victor had rejected him. Victor didn’t want him here. Maybe he’d realized how pathetic Yuuri was. Maybe he was regretting getting engaged to him.

He pulled the hand over his mouth back to gaze at the ring on his finger. With a shaking hand, he removed it and stared at it. He’d bought this ring. He’d become quite attached to it. It was a symbol of the bond he shared with Victor. Was it all a lie?

There was a ring shaped mark on his finger where the ring usually was. Yuuri couldn’t bear to see his finger empty. Would he have to see it this way the rest of his life?

A sob escaped his lips. His arms curled around himself and he rested his forehead on his bent knees. He wished the arms surrounding him were Victor’s instead of his own. Breathing was becoming difficult as the time passed.

A low whimpering sound cut through his thoughts. He held his breath trying to hear clearly and make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. He heard the noise more sharp and clear coming from the living room.

_“Makkachin”, Yuuri thought worryingly._

Now that Yuuri thought about it, he hadn’t seen Makkachin since he’d returned from the store. He’d been so busy talking to Yurio that he hadn’t noticed Makkachin wasn’t there to greet him at the door. Yuuri got up from his place on the floor. He wiped his glasses hastily on his shirt trying to see clearly. Yuuri looked around the living room searching for Makkachin but he was nowhere to be seen.

Yuuri followed the low whining sound. He finally located Makkachin crouching behind the couch. He tail was tucked between his legs and the hair on his back stood on the end. Yuuri couldn’t bear to see the dog looking so scared. He must have heard Victor shouting. And Yuuri guessed he was hiding here since Victor’s and Yurio’s fight. He moved towards him but Makkachin growled at him defensively.

Yuuri dropped down to his knees and extended his arms in invitation towards him.

“Makka. Come here. I’m so sorry you had to hear all that. “, He crooned trying to sound as soothing as possible.

Makkachin hesitated. He walked towards Yuuri slowly as if scared Yuuri was going to start shouting at him.

“That’s it. Come on. It’s okay.”, Yuuri encouraged.

This time Makkachin listened climbing into his lap. Yuuri hugged him and rubbed his head lovingly. He scratched behind his ears. Makkachin panted happily as Yuuri showered him with affection.

“We’re sorry we upset you. I’m sure Victor didn’t mean to scare you. He loves you.”, Yuuri said.

Yuuri froze realizing what he was saying. He never realized when he’d started talking to Makkachin on behalf of Victor. He was used to talking like this. As if they were a team. Now it just reminded him of what Victor had said just minutes ago but instead of sending him spiralling into despair it made him think about what had happened.

While trying to calm Makkachin he’d forgotten for a few minutes what had happened. He’d calmed down enough to think clearly. Earlier he was quickly proceeding towards an anxiety attack without even realizing. Now that he thought about it with a clear mind, something was essentially wrong with what had happened.

They didn’t usually fight like this. Victor wasn’t a violent person. He didn’t throw things. Nor did he shout. Yuuri had seen him get angry before. He didn’t usually act like this. Yuuri was fairly certain he knew Victor at least a bit better than others. And he knew this wasn’t the Victor he knew. He took a deep breath.

Makkachin nuzzled his palm and pawed at him asking for attention. Yuuri realized he’d stopped scratching behind his ears when he was lost in his thoughts. He ran his fingers through the poodle’s curly fur chuckling a little. He was just like Victor sometimes. Constantly asking for affection and hugs. That was the Victor he’d come to know.

The Victor he knew wasn’t the one who’d shouted at him to go away. The Victor he knew was the one who’d always looked at Yuuri as if he was the most important person in the world. He was the one who’d held him when he’d had a bad day and told him he was amazing. He was the one who’d clung to Yuuri at night when he’d had a nightmare begging him not to leave him alone. He was the one who’d cried when Yuuri had told him they should end their relationship.

He remembered Victor’s face. He was looking so distraught. Yuuri had been too hurt to realize that before but now he remembered clearly how disturbed Victor had seemed. He remembered what the doctor had told him. He needed to support Victor emotionally. Of course Victor was frustrated with everything. He remembered what he’d told Yurio. Victor didn’t mean it. He sighed. He needed to take his own advice.

He was almost sure by now that Victor didn’t want him to leave. He was angry and frustrated and he needed Yuuri more than ever. He was just angry with Yurio and all that anger had been directed at Yuuri. Yuuri sighed at the mess he found himself in. He had to talk to Victor. He had to set his insecurities and doubts aside and fix this. If Victor need vent out his frustrations at someone he would gladly be that person.

He left Makkachin in the living room and walked towards the bedroom. He was going to make sure they got through this. Victor wasn’t thinking straight. Yuuri knew he would have to be the voice of reason. He turned the knob of the bedroom door.  

Steeling his nerves, he pushed the door open. Victor was sitting on the bed propped up against the headboard with his head down and his silver fringe covered half of his face.. He flinched as the door creaked open but otherwise refused to acknowledge Yuuri’s presence.

Victor looked perfectly alright but Yuuri knew better. He could see the subtle signs that showed. His eyes were downcast, staring at his hands resting on his lap. His shoulders were shaking slightly. He looked terribly sad. Any doubt Yuuri had about Victor’s words left him immediately.

The room was a mess. The duvet was sprawled across the floor. The head of the lamp was lying broken next to the nightstand on the floor. Victor’s medicines were sprawled across the entire room. The binding of the book Victor had thrown at the wall had loosened and a few of its pages were lying around it. Victor’s crutch was lying on the ground a few feet away from the bed.

Yuuri sighed and started picking up things off the floor. He wasn’t sure how to handle Victor. He’d never seen Victor this sensitive. He was afraid of messing things up even more but he knew he had to talk now or else their relationship might be permanently damaged.

He kept cleaning the room while he thought over different ways to approach Victor. He finally decided being honest was the best way to go about it. He knew Victor could tell when he was lying.

Yuuri stood with his back to the wall opposite to Victor. He ran his hands through his hair gathering strength for having this conversation. He was exhausted and all he wanted to do was lie in bed with Victor and sleep but first he needed to talk. For both his and Victor’s sake.

Taking a deep breath Yuuri said, “Victor...”

Victor didn’t react. Yuuri sighed.

“Vitya, I’m not leaving.”

All the strain drained out of Victor’s body and he slumped against the headboard. His shoulders shook even more and Yuuri could see his lower lip trembling with the effort to keep himself from crying. Yuuri himself sagged in relief against the wall. For once, it seemed he was doing something right. Now that he had started speaking, he couldn’t stop.

“You can yell at me or throw things at me or get angry at me if that’s what you need but I’m not leaving you alone.”, Yuuri said his voice cracking at the end.

Victor’s head snapped up at him in shock and his eyes met Yuuri’s. Tears escaped the corners of his eyes. His ocean blue eyes sparkled beautifully. His cheeks were flushed from crying and Yuuri found he couldn’t have looked away even if he wanted. Victor somehow looked even more beautiful when crying.

Yuuri could see the pain, sadness and regret in his eyes. Yuuri’s heart broke at the sight. He looked so fragile and delicate that Yuuri wanted to hug him and hide him from the entire world. He surged forward and wrapped his arms around Victor. He made sure not to hurt him, keeping his embrace loose even though he felt like crushing him into a hug.

Victor felt no such restraint. Yuuri was standing beside the bed. Victor clung to Yuuri’s waist as if Yuuri would disappear if he let go. Yuuri climbed on the bed and adjusted Victor’s grip so that Yuuri was sitting propped up against the bed with Victor’s arm around his shoulders and his head on Yuuri’s chest. Victor sobbed against him fisting his shirt in his palms. His whole body sagged with relief.

Seeing Victor like in that state Yuuri’s own eyes watered but he swallowed and held back his tears. Victor needed him right now. He ran his fingers through Victor’s hair.

“Victor I know how you feel. I know you don’t like living like this. I know you’ve always been a strong, independent and successful individual. But you can’t keep living in the past. Sometimes you have to change yourself and make the best of what you have.”, Yuuri said attempting to console him.

Victor didn’t respond to him. He clutched Yuuri tighter. He didn’t seem to agree with him.

“Vitya I don’t know what to do. I'm trying my best but I don't know how to handle this. I don't know if I'm doing anything right. But I’m not giving up. I can't do this without your help. You have to talk to me. I know I can't fix everything but I'm here for you . I'll always be here for you. I love you. ", Yuuri said.

He couldn’t keep his tears in check anymore. A single teardrop rolled down his cheek and landed on Victor's face. Victor looked up at him. Victor gently wiped his tears with the pad of his thumb.

Victor didn’t speak for a long time and when he did talk, his voice seemed strained as if forming even basic sentences was taking a lot of effort.

“I’m so sorry., Yuuri. I love you too. I don’t want you to leave. I know I shouldn’t have said all that. I didn’t mean ...”

Yuuri cut him off before he could say anything more.

“Shh...I know Vitya. I know you didn’t mean it.”

They were silent for a long time just relishing in the feeling of having each other close again. Now that they were talking again, Yuuri felt the sharp relief coursing through him. Being with Victor felt just right and he felt like he belonged here in Victor’s embrace. He had a feeling Victor agreed with him. Yuuri wanted to close his eyes and give in to his desire to sleep but there was still one more thing he needed to do.

“Victor...”, Yuuri said asking for Victor’s attention once more.

Hmm?”, Victor questioned quietly.

You should apologize to Yurio. He won’t ever admit it but he was hurt.”, Yuuri said.

“Yeah, I know. He might act like he doesn’t care but I know he does. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. I’ll text him and apologize later.”, Victor said.

“Okay. But Vitya, there’s one more person you need to apologize to.”, Yuuri said a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Yuuri, Who...”Victor started but Yuuri placed three fingers on his lips to interrupt him. Victor looked at him with a puzzled expression. Yuuri turned towards the door.

“Makka...”, he called out.

The large poodle immediately came running through the door towards them as if he’d been waiting  to be called. He leaped onto the bed and began licking at Victor’s face making Victor chuckle heartily. Yuuri was relieved to see him laughing again. He couldn’t bear to see Victor sad for long. He smiled thinking he could always rely on Makkachin to make Victor feel better.

“You scared him. He was hiding behind the couch”, Yuuri informed him.

He watched as Victor apologized to his beloved dog playing with his ears and showering him with affection. Makkachin enthusiastically responded to the extra attention and panted happily, wagging his tail as he looked animatedly at them. It seemed that was enough of an apology for Makkachin as he immediately settled between him and Victor and put his head in Victor’s lap.

Victor lied down on the bed and happily cuddled with him, stroking Makkachin’s curly brown fur with his fingers. He looked as if he’d drift off any moment now. Yuuri watched the two of them fondly as he too lied down on the bed with them. He pulled the sheets over them. Unbeknownst to him a large and genuine smile had bloomed on his face. All his worries disappeared slowly.

He knew everything wasn’t going to be alright all of a sudden but he knew there was hope for them survive through this together. He knew they had to work for their relationship. Talk about things that bothered them and work together if they wanted to support each other.

He needed Victor as much as Victor needed him and if he wanted to stay with him, he had to actively help Victor and not just support him like he’d been doing until then. He needed to think of ways to distract Victor and not make him feel alone and useless. He needed to think of ways to cheer Victor up and not just sit idly hoping Victor would get better on his own.

He would think about all this later when sleep deprivation and fatigue weren’t clouding his judgement. Victor seemed to need some rest too. For now, having Victor in his arms was enough he thought. Everything else could wait.   

_"It's going to be alright, Vitya. I'll make sure of that. ", Yuuri thought as he fell asleep._

#    
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All medical procedures and conditions described are purely based on information from the internet.


	5. Stay Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how hard they fight they'll always find their way back

Yuuri woke up from his brief nap to find Victor clinging to him in his sleep. His brows were furrowed and he looked so vulnerable that Yuuri couldn't help but press a soft kiss to his temple. His head was pounding from all the crying and he felt the lingering distress from their fight in the back of his mind. His mood soured considerably. He realised he couldn't let this continue. If they kept fighting like this the their lives would fall apart sooner or later. Yuuri thought all this time he was doing everything he can but he realized was just letting things happen. He didn't really try to encourage Victor to do things on his own. He was so worried about Victor's physical well being that he failed to notice how bad things were getting between them.   
He carefully extracted himself from Victor's grip. He made sure Victor was still sleeping before going to the living room. The clock was telling him it was still 5:00 in the evening but he felt ready to crawl into Victor's arms and sleep again. He could hear Victor fitfully shifting in bed but Yuuri needed some time to think. He needed to know what he had to do to change things.   
They needed to talk. He needed Victor to understand why this was important to him. Yuuri sighed and started preparing their dinner hoping that the physical exertion might stop him from overthinking.   
Just when he was about to start setting the table he heard Victor shuffling around. He continued placing their plates on the table trying to think about what to say. Victor quietly made his way over to the table settling down in the nearest chair. He was taking a few minutes to balance his crutches beside him so he could free his hands for eating. On any other day this would have been completely normal but today Yuuri could see how his hands lingered longer than necessary as if he was trying to stave off talking to Yuuri a little longer.   
Yuuri felt relieved that he wasn't the only one feeling this way. He went about setting the table and serving both of them before settling down across from Victor. They both ate in awkward silence neither of them knowing what to say. He could see Victor struggling to find something to say but he gave up eventually.   
Yuuri decided he wasn't ready to talk either. As soon as they finished dinner he escaped to the kitchen pretending to clean up. If Victor noticed anything wrong he didn't mention it. Yuuri continued on with his nightly routine, washing and cleaning. He locked the doors and turned off the lights before heading to the bedroom. He hoped Victor was asleep by now. He immediately regretted thinking that. They were supposed to learn how to communicate better, not avoid each other. He had a feeling Victor wasn't going to stop avoiding him unless he made the first move.   
He sighed feeling a déjà vu as he stood there outside the door not knowing what to expect.   
When he finally found the courage to open the door he found the bedroom empty save for Makkachin who'd claimed the entire bed in their absence. The sight brought a smile to his face as he made his way across the room to ruffle Makkachin’s furry head. The dog panted happily up at him and ran to the door pulling him along by grabbing his palm.   
Yuuri felt another wave of guilt when he remembered that they'd forgotten to take Makkachin on a walk in their scuffle. He found Victor in Makkachin's room when he went to grab his leash. Victor stared at him bewildered as if he'd caught him doing something he wasn't supposed to do.   
“What are you doing?”, Yuuri asked pushing aside his awkwardness. He needed to make sure he was alright.   
“Nothing. Really. Oh. Are you taking Makka for a walk? I almost forgot about him. “, Victor said faking a smile. Yuuri frowned. He was clearly changing the subject. Yuuri looked at him raising an eyebrow silently asking him if anything was wrong but Victor just avoided looking directly at him. Makkachin nudged his leg as if asking him to hurry. Yuuri sighed internally. This conversation would have to wait for a while. He picked up Makkachin's leash and took him for a walk. He realized Victor never really answered what he was doing there. Yuuri had a strong suspicion he was going out of his way to avoid him. Yuuri didn't know how to deal with a skittish Victor.  
When he finally returned from the walk Victor was absent again. The house was quiet with no sign of him.   
This needed to end now. He knew they couldn't keep avoiding each other. He walked into the bedroom to find it empty but the lights to the bathroom were turned on. He couldn't hear the shower running so he guessed Victor must not have been in there for long. He entered the bathroom to find Victor struggling to discard his clothes. It seemed his head was stuck inside the shirt.  
He smiled involuntarily. This was the reason he usually helped Victor with showering. Apparently Victor was too apphrensive today to ask for help.   
Yuuri swiftly walked over to him and helped him pull it over his head. Victor looked at him in surprise, his cheeks a little pink from embarrassement. Yuuri paid him no heed. He pulled off the rest of his clothes without a word. He gently lifted Victor's hand and removed the splint. The doctor had said he could remove it while bathing. However his leg cast wasn't removable. Yuuri want to the cabinet inside the bathroom to take out the plastic bag inside and wrapped it around the cast. He secured it with a rubber band exactly like the doctor had instructed. Victor offered him a smile in thanks when Yuuri got up and Yuuri felt the tension in the air dissapate as he smiled back. Yuuri pressed a soft kiss to Victor's lips.   
He shed his own clothes and stepped into the shower and adjusted the temperature of the water before pulling Victor in as well.   
They bathed comfortably talking about mundane everyday things. Yuuri told him about how Makkachin covered himself with snow when they went for a walk. Victor talked about the book he was reading. Yuuri asked him what he wanted to eat tomorrow. He could feel Victor relaxing under his touch as he soaped him up with a bath sponge. By the time they were done with bathing, Yuuri felt as if a weight had lifted off his chest. The world finally seemed right and Yuuri felt thay maybe for once they didn't need to talk things through to forgive each other.  
The next day brought a new set of challenges. Even if they'd resolved things between them it didn't mean the issue at hand would disappear completely. Victor was usually cheerful in the mornings. But today it seemed he was cranky and irritated. Nothing Yuuri said or did seem to appease him. Yuuri couldn't exactly blame him either. Yuuri was busy preparing breakfast. Alone with only Makkachin for company and nothing to do he was bound to feel useless and cranky. Yuuri just wasn't sure how to deal with it. Atleast it was a rest day. He'd surely figure out something.

  
Victor POV  
Victor knew it was going to be a bad day the moment he woke up. His whole body itched move, to do something other than just lie around in bed all day. As the day wore on he felt more and more annoyed at the world. He lied in bed a long time cuddling with Makkachin. When Yuuri came by to hand him his breakfast and check on him his mood soured even more. He was trying his best to hide his irritation from Yuuri but he was sure Yuuri noticed. After he was done with breakfast he put the tray down on the beside table with a little more force than necessary. He heard Yuuri call Makkachin for to go for a walk. He could feel his face falling. Now he was truly alone. He tried to distract himself by checking his Instagram and playing games on his phone but nothing held his attention for long.   
He knew this was stupid. He refused to vent out his frustration at Yuuri. Even of Yuuri said he wanted to listen he wasn't sure he wanted to share this frustration. It wasn't fair to Yuuri to have to bear all his emotional baggage. He picked up a pillow and threw it down on the floor in frustration. It didn't go far and fell at his legs. He kicked it away with his good leg. He smiled at how far away he was able to kick it. He'd keep it back before Yuuri came back. He threw down the other pillow as well. The meaningless physical exertion was cathartic. He was about to pick up the next soft object on the bed to vent when he saw Yuuri standing next to the door watching him. Immediately he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. It was just what happened the day before. And he was being stupid. And Yuuri had to deal with his antics.   
“Yuuri, you're back already?”, He asked faking a smile, pretending Yuuri hadn't just caught him demolishing their bed.   
Yuuri let out a deep breath.  
“Makka wasn't in much of a mood for a walk today. So we came back early.”, He explained.  
“What are you doing?”, Yuuri questioned before Victor could change the topic again. He wished Yuuri would leave him alone for a while. He'd fix the bed and walk out smiling and pretend this never happened. He realized he had no good excuse for throwing things around. His eyes dropped down towards his feet of their own accord in embarrassement. He had to be honest.  
“I'm bored.”, He said chickening out at the last moment. It wasn't a lie per say but it wasn't the whole truth either. There were a lot of things he could have told Yuuri he was feeling. Bored, frustrated, angry, impatient, stupid, petulant and a whole mess of emotions he couldn't even begin to articulate. The look in Yuuri's eyes when he looked up told him that he could hear what Victor wasn't saying loud and clear. He couldn't keep looking at those eyes. He felt as if Yuuri was looking through his very self, searching his soul for answers that neither of them had. He was about to look away and when he saw a different gleam in his eyes. The fraction of a change before a determined expression crossed his face.   
Before Victor could ask what was wrong Yuuri was striding towards him with purposefully.   
He yelped when his feet left the ground, Yuuri's hand behind his back and under his knees, holding him up effortlessly as if he weighed nothing.   
His hand came up to wrap around Yuuri's neck.   
“Yuuri what. .. ,”Victor started trying to make sense of the situation. His voice came out high pitched and his cheeks darkened with a obvious blush. Yuuri ignored him walking towards the living room and into the kitchen and put him down on the kitchen counter. Victor stared at him bewildered. He could hardly find the words to ask Yuuri what he was doing. But Yuuri spoke before he could find his ability to speak again.  
“If you're so bored you might as well help out with lunch”, He said as if that explained everything. If anything Victor was even more confused. He didn't know a single thing about cooking. He stared at Yuuri's back as he stoop up on his toes to pull out the chopping board and put it down in his lap. He took out a knife.   
“Watch.”, Yuuri said and that's when it finally clicked. Yuuri was offering to teach him. He listened carefully as Yuuri began to explain how to chop the onions finely. After that he handed the rest of the onions to Victor and left to start the heat the chicken broth. They were making borsht. Victor chopped off the onions and beet and carrot matchstick just as Yuuri had shown him and preened when Yuuri praised his work. He felt as is he'd accomplished something after a long time even if he did cut his finger in the process. He enjoyed Yuuri bandaging his finger and fussing over him for the first time in weeks. When Yuuri kissed the tip of his finger and quietly went back to cooking, Victor felt a pleasant smile grace his lips.   
He watched as Yuuri explained when and what to add, when to let it simmer, when to turn up the heat and when to turn it down. Yuuri handed him the spoon to stir from time to time and Victor took the opportunity enthusiastically wanting to prove he could do it.   
Finally after an hour they were left with a messy kitchen and a delicious smell wafting through the kitchen. Victor realized his frustration had vanished completely along with his boredom. All because of Yuuri. Just as Yuuri was about to move to pull out two bowls fron the shelf above to serve the borsht Victor caught his wrist from where he was sitting on the counter and pulled him back. He planted a soft kiss on his cheek.  
“Thank you”, he said quietly. It was a apology and a expression of gratitude all wrapped in two little words. He hoped Yuuri would understand because if he didn't Victor wasn't sure he could explain everything he was feeling. Maybe on the ice he could skate that overwhelming sense of gratitude but in moments like these, words always failed him.   
For a moment Yuuri just stared at him. And Victor felt a pang of anxiousness in those few seconds but then a beautiful smile bloomed on his face and Victor was stunned at how open and genuine and vulnerable it was.  
“For you. Anytime”, he said and kissed the side of his temple.  
Yuuri then proceed to carry him again to the table. And though Victor protested that he was perfectly capable of walking both he and Yuuri knew how much he liked being carried around.  
They talked and laughed and shared smiles over lunch. Victor felt warm and cherished. He realized that even if he didn't like it there'll always be moments when they'll fight or argue over things. But in the end if they had moments like these then they'll be fine.  
 _“ No matter how bad things are, I'll be fine as long as you stay with me Yuuri”, he thought._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the year😉


End file.
